In Front Of A Camera

• chapter thirty nine •

Louis had only gone downhill the following weeks after his family visited. He hadn't been speaking much. He'd say a few words here and there, but the house had become very quiet. He spent most of his days in bed with the curtains drawn, he could hardly stand the light.

"I still can't believe how fast this all happened," Harry said quietly as he held some ice water up to Louis' mouth while he sipped it through a straw. He was so shaky and couldn't hold it himself.

Louis shook his head a little, with a look in his eyes that Harry couldn't quite read. Harry set the drink on the nightstand, and Louis pointed at the dresser.

Harry frowned, "do you want something love?" He asked gently.

Louis nodded, "uhh... t-top" he mumbled, trying to tell Harry to look in the top drawer.

"The top drawer?" Harry asked, earning a delayed nod in response. He went over and opened the top drawer, which they rarely used, it was mostly full of junk. He noticed however, a note with his name written on it, along with a very poorly drawn heart.

"Is this it?" Harry asked, holding it up to show him.

Louis smiled wearily, barely managing another nod. Harry held the note to his chest, and walked over to the bed again, sitting down next to Louis who was all tucked up and cozy in the covers.

"Can I open it?" Harry asked, and Louis rolled his eyes as if to say, obviously, before giving him another meek nod.

Harry slowly unfolded the note, curious about what it would say. It was a little dark in the room, but it was dimly lit by the sunlight peeking through the bottom of the curtains, so he managed to read it.

Harry-

I know this has all seemed so sudden to you, but I need you to know this.

It wasn't sudden to me.

I've been sick for over a year now, and I've been trying so hard to hide it. Trying to pretend it's not there. I guess I hoped if I ignored the pain, it would eventually go away.

Deep down, I knew it was something that wouldn't just go away. I didn't know what it was, but I knew it was something severe.

I'm sorry it took so long for me to agree to see a doctor, I know now that if I had listened to my gut sooner I would've possibly been able to beat this.

But I didn't.

And I'm sorry for that Harry. I'm so sorry.

I should've told you this, with my voice, in person. But I'm a selfish fucking coward, and I just can't. So if you're reading this, I guess I'm not able to speak anymore.

I'm sorry Harry. I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if you don't.

But please, please just know that I love you so much. I've cared about you longer than you even know. And being able to watch you find yourself and let Liam go, is one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed. You're a good person Harry, golden to your core and a wonderful parent. Everleigh is so lucky to have you.

And me too... I'm so lucky to have been loved by you in this lifetime. I mean that, with every fibre of my being.

Thank you for letting me into your life. The time we've spent together, though it's not been as long as I hoped, has been amazing and I've loved every moment.

Love isn't a strong enough word for how I feel about you Harry. But since there isn't another word, it's the one I'll use I suppose.

I love love LOVE you. Stay beautiful my darling, and take care of yourself.

Love ALWAYS,

Your Lou.

Harry didn't know when, but at some point tears had started rolling down his cheeks and wouldn't stop. He looked up from his paper, and saw Louis was staring down at his lap.

Gently, he lifted Louis' chin with his hand. "Darling, you're not selfish. You're not a coward. You're the bravest person I've ever known. You helped me, and stood up for me in ways that no one else would. And you changed my whole life, for the better." He leaned forward pressing his forehead against Louis' and softly planted a kiss to his chapped lips. "And fuck, I love love LOVE you too," he whispered, pulling away.

Louis choked back a sob, wrapping his scrawny arms around Harry, and holding onto the back of his shirt tightly.

When he finally let go, too weak to hold on for long, he laid back down against the pillows and closed his eyes.

Harry sat with him quietly, for a long time. He had no idea, that the entire silence Louis had spent, trying to get two simple words out of his mouth.

Eventually, after a long while, he managed.

"Hold me." He whispered, barely audible.

And that's exactly what Harry did.

He had to let go eventually, to get Everleigh taken care of, but once she was in bed, he was back to cradling his sweet lover. Soon, drifting off to sleep himself.

•

It was 3:32 am when Louis woke up, still cradled in Harry's arms. He could hear the steady beating of his heart as he laid against his chest, and felt comforted as he breathed in his scent. He always smelled like vanilla, with a slight hint of lavender. He breathed as deeply as his lungs would let him, trying to soak in the warm, calming aroma, one last time.

Shakily, he lifted his hand, and placed it on Harry's cheek, caressing it with his thumb, he wanted to wake him. He wanted to say goodbye, but it was late. And Harry looked oh, so peaceful. He couldn't do that to him. He knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again if he did, so he didn't wake him. Instead, he just enjoyed his warmth.

It was 3:33 when Louis closed his eyes for the last time, a soft smile on his face whilst cradled in Harry's arms as he felt the pain slowly fade away into nothingness.

Hey guys, can't believe we've made it here. I feel like we just started writing this story! Anyway, thank you ALL SO MUCH for your comments and support on the book. It means so much. Stay tuned for the epilogue, and soon we'll start another book. With this being the last chapter I wrote in this book, I'm signing off. Much love 💛
-stella