We Stitch These Wounds

Real Big Plans, Such Bad Thoughts -15-

I frowned as I sat in science, reading ahead in the textbook. I couldn't stand the stupidity of all the idiots around me. I had learned all of this already and I was bored out of my mind. I looked down at my thighs and thought about how fat they were. But Oliver's thighs were perfect. I shook my head a little and looked up and listened to the teacher drone on about the collision with Earth and the planet Thea. His voice was monotonous and it put me to sleep. But Oliver's voice was fucking perfect. I facepalmed and looked over at the table next to ours. A blonde-ish kid with a lip ring was concentrating very hard, but I could see him holding hands with the kid next to him under the table. I think their names were something along the lines of something that started with L an A. I remember their ship name. Lashton. All the guys told me that I should just call them that, because they were together all the time. I learned later on that their names were Luke and Ashton. That's what they were called! I smiled to myself in victory.

Oliver and I's ship name was Andiver. I mentally groaned and my happiness was replaced with guilt, depression, regret, and hatred. Every little thing reminded me of Oliver. I hated it, because whenever I thought about Oliver, or any of his characteristics, I would think about how he had kissed me lovingly and comforted me and yet he still ended up cheating on me. I gave him my heart and in return he ripped in and stomped on it. I'm never letting anyone else take it. Everything is reminding me of him. Him. Him. Him. The way his eyes would rarely sparkle unless he was doing any hobbies or genuinely smiling or laughing. The way his lips would have an automatic pout and the scars from his snakebites were barely there, but somehow made his lips look fuller. The way his brown hair swooped across his forehead naturally. I could list so many things of what I loved about him. Did he ever love me? Did he ever think I was attractive? Not my fat ass.

I began reading ahead in the bio textbook, dreading the rest of the day.

-~-

"Today is an open class. I am giving you the responsibility of doing that something that actually pertains to music while I finish some paperwork." Mr. Brabrandt turned his back towards the class. I had sneaked a peek at his papers while he was in the hall, monitoring the crowd. I found out he was going through a divorce and was fighting for custody over his daughter. I felt pity. Not for the old man. Well, not mainly. As much as I hate the guy, no one should have to go through that. But what shocked me was who his daughter was. It unsettled me. An to calm my nerves, I decided to try to finish the song. I sat on the floor in the back of the room. I wrote on the front of my red notebook, "Find freedom in music" and flipped to the ongoing song.

"Sit down with thoughts alone now,

With blood these lyrics came.

Your words,

They eat right through me.

Death could hear my shame...

You kissed the lips of evil,

Two months is all the same.

I begged for mans approval,

Pray to die in vain.

The tears we've cried,

This love has died,

You're by yourself with me tonight.

It's what we hide with every lie,

And stitch these wounds with me tonight."

I felt someone plop down next to me. I looked to my right to see Ashley with a very derpy expression on his face. "Whatcha doin'?" he asked me.

"Nothing yet," I muttered.

"What are you actually doing?" Ash asked me with a more of a serious face.

"Trying to write. Trying to keep something off my mind," I explained, looking at the carpeted floor.

"What's on your mind?" he questioned.

"...Oliver," I said in barely above a whisper. Well, that was half-true. A white lie is better than a plain, black, opaque one.

"Your mind is too smart to be thinking about that asshole. What are you thinking about him?"

I blushed at the compliment and obliged. "Everything is reminding me of everything about him. How perfect he was. How much I loved him. Questions like 'did he ever love me?' or 'did he ever at least find me attractive?' come with those thoughts and I hate it... It makes me want to smash walls, break furniture, and shatter glass. I want him to hurt as much as I am right now," I answered.

"I'll help you get revenge on him, if you want," Ashley shrugged.

"Really?" I looked at him.

"Yeah. The group I used to hang out with wasn't exactly known for being goody-goodies. They'd totally be up for it. They'd do almost anything for adrenaline."

I hugged him and squeezed as tight as I could. "Thank you. I'd love it if you did help me."

"It's no problem, Andy. Friends help out friends." Ash patted my back and walked off.

I looked back at the song and I wrote what came to my mind.

"I think of it every time I touch you,

Or every time I hear his name.

These walls will never crumble,

Here's our cause to blame."

Not knowing where these lyrics came from, I kept them on the page as I closed the notebook and stuffed it back in my backpack. All I knew is that I had someone important to talk to, and to set up a date for revenge. No rain checks.

-~-

As soon as music was over, I beelined my way towards my dorm. I stopped and looked around. I wasn't alone. Something wasn't right. I walked around aimlessly before going to my tree. I climbed up and let my bag hang from another branch and I sat on the one below it. I took out my phone and clicked on the person I needed to talk to. She picks up on the second ring.

"'Ello?"

"Hey, AJ. It's Andy," I greeted her.

"Hey! What's up?"

"This may seem insensitive, but... Why didn't you tell me that your parents were going through a divorce?"

-&-
Title Cred: The Consequence- You Me At Six