✓LOVER BOY | hwang hyunjin

37. Just Him

If all the stars in the sky could one by one sit under Yeseul's heart, this was probably how she would have felt.

Yeseul was unable to blink out of the surprise. How could she never think of the chances of them being the two who had been texting each other the plethora of secrets every weekend nonstop? It couldn't be. Perhaps a huge misunderstanding could have happened. Yeseul had to take a seat in the dressing room. She wouldn't want to turn into a puddle on the ground tonight.

The show went on. Hyunjin was now talking. The audience seemed to love him. They engaged so well. It was as though the boy felt himself finally fitting into the space he was meant for. Yeseul couldn't calm the throbbing of her chest. She slipped away into the darkness of the night, walking towards the farthest corner of the extending turf. Underneath the lush canopies, she laid back, feet almost touching the white picket fence that was facing the sparkling sea.

The music once again filled up the empty pockets of air. The girl felt a shiver pass through her. Hyunjin's voice felt as though gold had melted into overflowing fountains. Sam. The dots all joined, and Yeseul felt like the biggest fool on the face of the planet.

She pulled out her phone. The anonymous chat app was there. Her finger loomed over the icon. She stifled a sigh, and pushed it open. The tickle inside her didn't end out when she saw an unopened message from a few minutes ago. She gathered enough courage to open it.

yeseul
fuck.
you're messing right?
im so so lost.
you.
shit
please stay close
i can't stop thinking of you
i want to see you. please don't leave

Yeseul felt her existence slowly collapse in itself. She was drunk on this feeling. Yeseul was scared.

Of not living up to Hyunjin's expectations. Or Sam's. She needed to learn better communication skills. Yet tonight she couldn't help herself with any crash course lessons on that, so she decided to turn small, with only the ending words of Hyunjin's – Sam's – to provide her of the warmth she desired.

The stars engrained too much of envy inside her. If she could float up to be one of them, she would've done that. She would stay up above, waiting for him to come along, counting each one just to search for her.

Jinho arrived soon. Yeseul wordlessly got into the back of the car, asking her brother to turn the music higher. She wished the coloured skin of her slowly let go of what memories they carried from the ending night. It was a bizarre thought, because just as much as she felt intoxicated on the revelation, she wanted to bury it too. Just for those few hours.

Jeongin typing ...

where are you?
dude you didn't even see soji why did you leave without goodbyes?

Yeseul's phone had died on her. She forgot about it. She leaned back, eyes closed, awaiting sleep to take her in.

In the hall, Hyunjin finally bowed down, applause filling his ears like the most cherished song. He stood back up, smiling hard. The curtains fell over, darkness muddled around the room. Hyunjin didn't even try to answer the gathering crew around him. All he did was rush outside the doors into the crisp air. His eyes frantically searched around for her. She was no where to be seen.

No words were exchanged for the rest of the time. Just heartfelt thoughts clasping each other beyond the stretching distance.