The Dichotomy of Hatred

legitimate mental illness pt 3

Cayatana tore open the seal, to the latest letter from her father. It asked the usual, "how do you fair?" "the negotiations are proceeding well," "have you managed to trick one of the princes into falling in love with you and securing the future of the Anatolian Kingdom?"

Though he had not phrased the last query as such, his meaning was all the same. 

Cayatana began drafting her response, succinctly replying to his questions. She wondered if she should just divulge that there was no hope for a betrothal. Viseris was maddening and a life bound to him would push her to insanity or a dungeon. 

It had been nearly a month since their incident in the servants' stairs, since they had begun avoiding each other. Much to the joy of the palace staff. 

Her maid even confessed that she and the other staff are impressed by her ability to rise above adversity and ignore the prince. To that, Cayatana gave a gracious smile and thanked them for their care. 

How could she possibly explain that the reason she had been avoiding him was not due to some newfound maturity, but rather an innate need to create distance from him and the memories his presence brought along. 

When Cayatana had laid eyes on him the morning after, she was bombarded with reminders of how his hands felt as they held her close, how his chest was steady beneath her palms, how he had looked when he told her she, too, drove him mad. 

Luckily for her, he had also appeared startled and when he opened his mouth, for what she assumed was an apology, she simply turned the other way. He had not pressed the matter, nor had he tried to speak with her again. 

She was relieved and frustrated, the emotions overlapping in her chest each time they ran into each other. Caytana felt a small pang of pain each time he held her gaze and thought against what ever he intended to say. She was not a fool, she knew the repercussions of such... feelings. Though, they would do her no good. She remembered their conversation on the terrace with vivid recollection, one night of momentarily close proximity would not distract her. 

She hated him and he hated her. There was no room for anything other than that. 

"Princess," he said, pulling her from her thoughts. Cayatana quickly recovered. 

"Prince Stavros," she said, giving a curtsey in greeting. 

Stavros bowed in return, his brilliant golden hair was further illuminated by the morning's light. 

"Where are you off to, Princess?" He asked.

"To the kitchens," she responded. 

"I hope you do not have any intentions of terrorizing the poor staff again with your baking." 

"Upon my word," she feigned offense, "the head baker personally said she would give me a lesson on how to make eclairs. There was no terrorizing nor coercion involved."

Stavros hummed in acknowledgment, "Perhaps after you have finished your lesson, you might join me out on the lake." 

Cayatana tilted her head at that, Stavros had been increasingly kind to her, though she could not  shake the thought that he was perhaps too nice. She gave her head a slight shake, he was still a prince, and though he would not rule the Empire, he would become a Grand Duke. His station was suitable for marriage and Anatolia would be secured all the same. 

Cayatana met his gaze, "I would be honored, Prince Stavros." 

"Then it is settled, I shall see you in the late afternoon." Stavros bowed and bid her a good day. 

Cayatana made her way to the kitchens, determined that her baking would come out edible today. 

~<3~