'Vanilla' neo × louis ff

Chapter 4: "Pink tears"

Louis and I went for a walk and we were getting closer to the ice cream place.

"Would you like some?" I asked him and he nodded. We walked into the store and went straight to the ice cream corner. He placed his finger on the glass and pointed at ice cream

"This one" he said and walked off. The barista looked at me and and wrote down my order. I turned around and saw Louis walking around the store. He looked amazed by all the stuff that they were selling. It wasn't just an ice cream shop. They had other sweet and sour food, they also sell some plushies, accessories... it's like a mini-mall.

I was waiting for our ice cream cones while looking at Louis. He was looking at ring section but then he turned around and walked towards me.

"I'll pay" he then took out his wallet but I stopped him

"Don't even think about it." I took out my money and gave it to the barista in a split of a second. I handed Louis his ice cream.

"You can wait for me outside while I get the recite. " I told him and he went outside. I walked to the ring section and spotted a lot of cute rings that Louis might like.

"But which one..." I thought as my eyes were going from one ring to another. Until I saw this one that reminded me of him. it was white and it had bear ears at the front. As soon as I bought it I left the store.

I saw Louis waiting for me outside while looking at the other shops that were around.

"Would you like to go anywhere?" he asked me and smiled.

We then went to finish our ice cream in the park while sitting on a bench. We talked about random stuff: what we did today, what we ate, what games we like lately, books and so on.

"Do you still have that hole in your wall that we accidently made while playing around?" we both started laughing at his question.

"Actually, I've changed a lot of things in my room...you should come to visit sometime..." I looked at him and he nodded. I felt happy when I saw him nodding because I really waned him to come to my house again, like he used to.

"Oh and...about yesterday... I'm sorry that I just ran off. I was just tired...-" I started talking but he cut me off

"Tired of what??" I looked at him and he had this spark in his eyes that I've never seen before. He looked so worried like he knew what was going on.

"Do I tell him? Do I tell him that I'm depressed? Do I tell him of what I'm tired? I don't want to lie to him anymore, I don't want him to worry..." so many questions but not a single answer

"I'm tired Louis..." I sighed and closed my eyes.

"I'm just so tired..." my eyes felt warm and a tear escaped my eye. I placed my head on his shoulder and kept my eyes shut. He didn't say anything. I felt like I could just burst out crying any second, but I held back. 

After some time I decided to break the silence. I lifted my head from his shoulder and took a deep breath to calm myself down.

"I haven't been feeling well lately...I often feel cold, lonely, empty...I started feeling like this at the beginning of last year and at first this feeling was bearable, I could live with it... but now, it feels so heavy... I can't endure it. There are times when I would stay up the whole night wondering what's wrong with me. " Just like that, I started opening up to him. He didn't interrupt me, he just listened. And that's what I needed at that time

"... I thought I lost you forever and that was killing me the most. I thought I'll never have you as someone who I can trust, someone who would stay up with me watching movies, someone who I'll buy lunch for everyday, someone who I'll take care of...you were my one and only friend and losing you was like looking a part of myself... I felt horrible..." my hands were shaking so bad, but the second I felt his warm touch on my hand , the shaking stopped. I looked at him and he had tears in his eyes just like me.

"...now that we are talking again I feel so much better. I can't get you out of my mind and I feel so happier. But... I still don't feel okay... I don't deserve you... you are too precious to me and my depression is just going to chase you away from me...I'm tired of feeling this way...I'm tired being scared..." I couldn't take it anymore and I just started crying. Louis pulled me into a hug. I could hear him sobbing too. His hands felt so warm around me. 

I buried my head in his neck and pulled his shirt. I think I never cried like this in my whole entire time. I never even imagined I would be telling him everything that I was carrying on my shoulders. It felt good, but it was also scary.

He pulled away after some time and looked at me. I was too scared so I kept my eyes on the floor. His warm hand touched my cheek and that made me look at him. I wanted to look at him.
His eyes were red, his cheeks had a couple of tears on them, his lips were bright pink.

I took his hand and places it on my chest while still holding it.

"I'm so sorry... please don't leave me again..." I said while holding his hand tight
"Neo... I will never leave you...Never. "

...

It was around 9pm and we both felt pretty tired. We were just walking around the city because we didn't know where to go. 
After crying so much, Louis was the first one to stop the 'sad time' and laughed. That made me really happy because it showed how sweet he is. 

"Neo...?" I looked at him and saw that we were at our spot.
"No...no no...I don't want him to go" I thought as we were approaching the tree

We just stood there in silence. I didn't know weather I should ask him to stay with me over night or not. But I really wanted to be with him more.

"I'll see you on Monday" he smiled and turned around. I was watching him walking away and I just couldn't resist. I ran to him to catch him up and stood in front of him. He looked confused. I pulled him into a hug, placing one of my hands behind his neck and the other one around his waist. I was hugging him only for a couple of seconds before pulling away.

"Thank you for today Louis..." he smiled
"Good night... sweet dreams" and with those words we both went separate ways home.

...

I was laying in bed with my lamp still turned on. I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about Louis, more than usually. I kept on thinking about the time I spent with him. 
I turned off the lamp and closed my eyes trying to sleep. But then I saw him from today, on the bench. Red cheeks, puffy teary eyes, shaky breath, bright pink lips.

"I want to kiss him"