'Vanilla' neo × louis ff

Chapter 8: "Losing a friend??"

It's been a few days since that dinner and honestly, I've not been feeling that well.
I don't eat well, I don't sleep well, I overthink a lot and just have problems with myself in general.
I'm not blaming Louis for that, I'm blaming myself.

That night, I went home crying because of how stupid I am. I almost ruined a friendship because I wanted to kiss Louis. Who knows what would have happened if I really went for it. He would have probably pushed me away or punch me or maybe something even worse.

I've been stuck in my room and I haven't talked to anyone besides my mom. She knows me and she just let's me be. She comes to my room twice a day to check up on me and just assure me that if I need help that she's willing to listen. She's really amazing and I'm so thankful to have her as a mother.
But I don't really talk to anyone when I'm like this, not even on the phone.
Louis has called and texted me a lot but I didn't respond. I just don't know what to tell him. I look awful and I don't want him to see me like this.

...

I was just laying on my bed and starring at the wall when I heard a knock. I turned on the side to face the wall because I don't want to look at the door once my mom comes in.
I heard the doors open but my mom didn't say anything and just closed the door. I didn't turn around, I just closed my eyes.
But then I felt something on my bed . I wanted to turn around but then a hand appeared on my waist. I was in shock for a second but then my room was filled with this familiar scent.

I felt warm breath behind my neck and the hand on my waist tighten it's grip.

"Neo...are you sleeping?..." the voice whispered. I didn't respond and kept my eyes shut. The voice called me a couple of more times but I didn't respond.
Then, again, something moved on my bed and it felt like that person was now looking at me. The hand was now on my cheek. It felt really soft and warm.

Then for a split second I felt something that made my mind go blank and my whole body shake.
I felt a soft kiss on my cheek, right below my eye.

"I told you not to be stupid..." I still didn't open my eyes and pretended to be calm but I was freaking out inside.

"I want to save you from all of this...I don't want you to struggle and I don't want you to be in pain anymore...it hurts so bad..." his voice at the end cracked as if he was crying

"Louis..." I felt so broken once I heard him cry. I wanted to turn around and hug him but something was just pulling me back.

"You deserve to be happy...and I might be dumb for wanting to make you happy everyday but it's true...I want to be the one who makes you smile everyday, who's there to help you with whatever you need, who's there to listen to everything you have to say..." he said while crying

My heart was beating so fast and my eyes were filled with tears.

"You are that person..." I said with a low voice. He didn't say anything.
"Neo..." I was about to turn around to face him but I felt his arms around me. He hugged me so tight that I wished he would never let go.

I turned around while he was still hugging me. His eyes lit up as soon as I turned around. With my hand, I wiped off his tears but kept my hand on his cheek.
"I didn't want you to see me like this..." I said in between the tears and he just shook his head.
His hand went from touching my messy hair, to touching my cheeks and then...he placed his thumb on my lips.
I looked at him and he moved his eyes from my lips to see my reaction.

I wanted to kiss him, I've been wanting to do that for so long.

My hand was now behind his neck and I pulled him closer. Even then, I wasn't sure if he was okay with it.
"Can...can I-" my words were cut off with him grabbing my shirt and pulling me even closer. Our lips were an inch away.

My whole body felt warm and that weird feeling was stronger than ever.

"Shut up..." he said and after that I felt like I was going crazy. His soft lips touched mine and at first it was just a peck but I couldn't let him go.
Distance between us was really short, it almost didn't even exist.
That was our first kiss, my fist kiss...and it was with Louis.

I couldn't help but smile in between the kiss. We pulled away and looked eachother in the eyes.
His smile was so beautiful that I want to remember it for the rest of my life.

I didn't say anything. I can't even describe how happy I felt.

Louis took my hands and placed them around his waist and just came close for a hug. He rested his head on my chest.

"Your heart..." he placed his hand on my chest and lifted his head to look at me.
"It's always like that when I'm with you" I was so shy when I said that but felt a bit relieved once I heard him giggle.

We were quite for some time until I decided to break the silence
"I know I said I won't make you worried again...I'm sorry" he sat up straight to look at me but I covered my face with my hand.
"If it's too hard for you, you don't have to tell me what's going through your head all the time. Although I want to know everything that you are thinking and what made you like this. If you don't feel comfortable talking with me, maybe try asking for help from a professional. I'm just trying to help you because it hurts me to see you like this and I know that it hurts you even more..." he removed my hand and even in the dark, I could see that he was worried.

"I told you already...I have depression and sometimes it's just too much to handle..." I sat up and took his hands
"When I'm having a hard time with myself I often sit in my room for days until I finally feel ready to go outside for a bit and then come back to my room. My mom is here and she checks up on me every once in a while. Overthinking makes me go crazy and that's why I have sleeping problems. I didn't answer your calls because I didn't want you to see me like this. If I did answer you, you would have probably came way sooner..."
"I would have came either way, I care about you...it's okay to feel the way you do but I don't want you to go through this on your own...I'll always be there for you."

His words made me feel warm. I put my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I slowly moved my head near his neck. He smelled so good. His hand was now behind my neck and that made me lift my head to look at him.

"I have so much to tell you but I can't even describe it myself..." I said with a soft voice while placing my hand on his cheek
"You don't need to tell me anything..." he came closer and gave me a peck.
"I like you Neo...and I hope you like me too because what we just did...friends don't do that you know? And I don't want to be a friend.." he looked so adorable while saying all of this I just couldn't help but smile. I pat his head and kissed him on the forehead.
"We're not friends anymore..."