I Failed You (DISCONTINUED)

Fault (2)

It's a fault. My fault. Yours? No, this is our fate's and mine fault.
We are so wrong from the start but you're not the one who is wrong. If only I didn't having crush with you, if only we were only a plain seat-mate, if only we were only a bickering partner.
If only i've never knew the truth.

***
"You're avoiding me the whole week,"Kai stopped my track when i just finish my class and he picked me up.
I just raised my eyebrows upon hearing his complain.
"Didn't i tell you that i have mid-test?"i asked him back.
"I know but i have known you for years and this is not how you deal with your tests,"
"Or are you giving test for me instead?"he continued to whine. I chuckled.
"Dear, we're in college what makes me to act like a lazy student when i was at high school?"
I know that i hide the fact that I realized that I ignored Kai while having conversations with Sehun all night. But I'm not lying that I really study for my college-in Sehun's support ofc- i really faced my textbooks and gave my all focus when study at class.
"I still don't understand why you act like this. You're changed,"Kai ruffled his hair messily.
"I'm tired Kai. If you want to keep this talk then I'm off. I can't handle it right now,"I tightened my sweater and ready to go home.
"Ok ok! As you want my lady,"Kai gave up and followed my track. He held my hands and i held his too. I gave him my sweet smile.
"Then where's goodbye kiss?"he leaned closer after we were already in front of my house. I frowned by his favor but fortunately he didn't see that. I don't know why i feel I don't want to kiss him right now. I felt my heart so heavy but I don't want Kai got suspicious with me so i leaned closer to his cheek and kiss him.
"Goodbye, Honey,"i whispered after separated my lips from his skin. I saw Kai frowns but i chose to ignore it. I knew this is strange that he only got kiss on cheek rather than on lips like always but for seriously....when i leaned closer to him, I remembered Sehun's face in my head.
"Sul,"Kai held my hand when i was about to leave.
"Huh?"
"I love you,"he said in lonely eyes. I felt my chest tightened but I just don't take it seriously. I just smiled and nodded before entering my house.
Then inside my house, I leaned my body on the door. I closed my eyes as i remembered Kai's sad expression. Why I think my heart changed after i met Sehun again? I don't feel comfortable again with Kai after i got closer to Sehun and felt comfortable with him. Sehun was way kind and his open minded personality really amazed me and made me comfortable. He's unbelievably caring and gentle, he got matured through these years and having conversations with him made me feels like i talk with someone older than me. Slowly, every thoughts about Sehun made Kai got drifted away from my head.
***
"I remembered when Krystal accidentally pushed you until you crushed my body,"Sehun said while we were having phone call.
"Really? Oh now i remember. Yes, and you nagged me instead of blaming Krystal,"i frowned playfully. Actually Krystal wasn't accidentally push me, she pushed me intentionally to help me get close with Sehun.
I heard chuckles on the line.
"I just couldn't blame and nag her anyway,"
I know...it makes me sad Sehun, you know? You were so rude to me but ao nice with my friends and other people. I wanted to bring this conversation but i held my heart. Sehun might be shock with all my confession and it probably will make our already fine friendship got flaw.
Right when i was about to talk again, i got phone call from Kai.
"Sulli, is someone calling you?"Sehun asked with so husky voice. Gosh how i want to hear his voice more and more!
"Yes, it's from Kai,"I answered hesitantly.
"Then i'll hung up, just pick his call,"he said.
I frowned. I don't want to pick Kai's call but I can't reject it too.
"Will you call me again after i picked his call?"
"Yes. I will if you want,"I can feel he is smiling on the other line.
"Thanks Sehun. Ofc i want,"i smiled.
"Ok, see you later,"
"Yes, see you later,"then Sehun's phone call ended as i picked Kai's.
"Are you calling someone?!"
I sighed as i heard Kai's already raised voice.
"My mom,"i lied to him.
"Don't lie, this is not the time that your mom usually call you,"
"I'm not lying why can't you believe me?!"I raised my voice due my irritation. Even though i did lie to him but I don't want he blame me like this!
"Are you Choi Sulli? My Sulli? Are you the girl that i love?"he asked in sarcasm tone.
"Ok i had phonecall with Sohyun! She just shared me about her problem with Lee Joon Oppa,"then i lure another lie. I facepalmed myself. Why i lie to him? Why i don't want to talk to him right now?
"I'm tired and i want to sleep,"i said.
"Sul...,"Kai sighed.
"You avoided me and lied to me. Now you always using that you're tired to end conversation with me,"
"Then what do you suspect Kai? What? You're always like this you know? Everytime i feel tired then i feel tired! Don't you understand me? Are you really not believing me?"
"Not that I don't believe you Sulli but you're acting like a spoiled girl this whole week!"
"Spoiled?!"I widened my eyes. Kai why do you said something unnecessary to hurt my heart?
"You want me to give all my care to you?! Then i give you! You want to get my full attention to you?! Then i do! I did! The fights we used to had already makes me realize that I can't lose you and now i give my attentions to you but you acted like a brat! You acted like a spoiled child who felt like i just bothered you and you-"
"Kai what are you talking about?! I don't understand! You're just raging all your shits out to me! You know I'm really tired!"i sobbed upon hearing all his rage.
"Then why don't you stop what make you tired and stop reasoning!"
"Kai are you serious? It seems like you want me to break up with you,"i can't stop my tears for falling to my cheeks.
"Why are you crying it's not like you're the one who is the victim here. I got hurt by your childish acts and who is the one who tired?! It's me!!!!"he yelled at me. I almost dropped my phonecall after hearing what he said to me.
"Don't ever call me again. Don't ever see me again. We're over,"i tried to control my emotions.
"See? This is how you deal with fights. Break me up over and over again. Let me tell you, I got enough. Goodbye Sulli,"
With that, he hung up and I threw my body to bed. I closed my eyes with my arm. I cried after this fight but I don't feel like I regret it at all. I'm tired with Kai. Maybe three years relationship really had it's curse. As the couple got tired, now we're ended.

***
See who was able to make me calm and comfort me when i got into a big fight with Kai that night? It was Sehun.
"You broke up with him again? Sulli, maybe you should short everything with him so you guys will get back together,"
That was what he said to me. It hurted me when i heard that he treated me really like his own friend. Why? Somewhere inside my heart i want he has some feelings to me. I don't want he push or support me to make up with Kai again. But he did. He always gave suggestions to my love problem yet all i want was he feels a little jealous. But he didn't.
"I'm going to Seoul now that summer is coming,"Sehun said while we have phone call like usual nights.
"Really?! Let's meet again Sehun,"i said cheerfully. I got so excited! Finally i can see him after years! From his photos, he looked taller and his chest is so board and his shoulders are wide. He got more handsome than before.
"Ofc i will visit your home,"
I smiled upon hearing his plan.
"After years, i want to see your face again. Is Sulli already changed? Is her hair got longer? Is her eyes still sparkling like deer? Is her personality still bubbly like before?"
I laughed,"I am Oh Sehun! I'm still bubbly, see?"
"Hahaha. Yes you are. Gosh, can't wait to see you again,"he chuckled. Oh my God how i like to hear his laugh and chuckles so much.
"But won't your girlfriend got angry if you meet me?"i asked, fished him to talk about his love story because I wasn't able to drag this conversation during these past months we met again through technology.
"Haha. What are you talking about? I have no time for girlfriends,"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not like you Sulli. I've never dated anyone since i was born,"he chuckled. I widened my eyes and say straightly upon hearing his confess.
"Sehun i already dated about five guys and you haven't dated anyone?"
"Hahaha yes. You know, I don't have time for love. For me study is number one,"he said so casually.
For the sake of my braided hair! Sehun the handsome and hot guy hasn't dated any girl in his 21 years life?!
"You make me shocked. Seriously Sehun...didn't you date Naeun in middle school?"
"What? Who is Naeun?"
I frowned. He doesn't remember Naeun who made him smile while got a chocolate from her? What a lie?
"The girl in your class, ballet student,"
Silent was made after I described Naeun.
"I don't remember. Can you give me any clue beside ballet?"he asked.
"Do you still remember my friend Krystal and Luna?"i asked, testing him.
"Oh Krystal was the one who likes Suho right? Luna...,"
"Oh Sehun...,"i sighed. He really doesn't remember anyone else?
"Wait i remember! Luna was the one who always nag me when you cried. With her other friend,"
"IU,"
"Yes, guess her name is IU. Is Naeun was our elementary school student too?"i asked.
"Whoa you're kidding me Sehun. Thought you have elephant brain,"i said in sarcasm.
"Hahaha! I didn't really give attention to other people other than my close friends. I remember their face but not their name,"
But you remember me right after you found my facebook :)
"Naeun was the one who gave you chocolates, snacks, other gifts that only you who know. She wasn't our elementary school student,"
"Oh.........,"long ohhh from his mouth.
"Now i know! I remember who Naeun is. Gosh I don't remember what gifts she gave to me as Chanyeol always the one who keep it,"
"Who? I thought you were dating her. You guys were so close,"
"Nah. I don't have any special feeling to her. But she was kind,"
"I know,"i smiled unconsciously. Now why i felt so relieved that Sehun didn't dating Naeun back then? He even forgot about her. Why I felt that I'm special that he remembered me immediately after we met again. He even remembered out small moments that i already forgot, which made me call him elephant brain.
"I guess I should hang up. The driver already pick me up,"he said, cracking small comfortable silence between us.
"Ok. See you soon Sehun. Have a safe flight,"i said before i hung up.
Soon, we'll meet again. After years, we'll meet again.