VIOLENT DELIGHTS | Rosalie Hale

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

ABSOLUTELY (STORY OF A GIRL)

THERE ARE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF, and I was convinced they had become my entire personality. The denial was the easiest. On Monday morning, I woke up to Adam's alarm and drove my way out to Mora Ranger Station with a tupperware box of brownies Mrs. Stanley had brought over the day after the funeral. Adam hadn't really befriended any of his coworkers, so I didn't know them by name except for his boss, Stevens. He'd been the one to find the ridge Sam Uley had carried me from, collected Adam.

"Grace?" The man was tired, that much was obvious. The station was busier than I'd ever seen it, people tacking on informational flyers on what to do if you came across a bear. Two men in uniform were hunched over a table pouring over a large, old map, marking spots out with a pencil and a ruler.

"Hey. I have brownies." I hold up the tupperware like a white flag. Everyone stopped what they were doing, staring at me like I'd grown a second head. "Just figured you could use 'em. Um, be careful out there. Bye."

And then I drove to school, blasting No Doubt like nothing had ever changed. The anger I couldn't control. Everyone walked on eggshells around me at school, shocked to even see me there. It was irritating, watching them wait for me to break down in front of them. The school held a memorial service for Adam in the gym during first period. Principal Greene called my name out in front of everybody, asked me to step to the podium to say a few words. I took one look and stormed out of gym before I could blow up. It wasn't a great start to the day. But I didn't get really pissed off until I saw how vacant my sister was.

At the funeral, I thought she was in shock. Sad, even. I didn't really notice how she hadn't said a word. But at lunch, as we sat together at our usual table, and Mike broached the topic of Adam carefully like wading into dark water—my sister's indifference would shock me. "I really didn't think you'd come to school today, you know, it's totally fine if you're not ready."

"Adam's dead, Mike." I say flatly, and it's like the whole table collectively flinches. "Whether I show up to school or not, that doesn't change."

"Is it true you're the one who found him?" Jess stage whispered as if the words themselves horrified her.

"Jess!" Angela hissed, nudging her.

"What? She's fine. I mean she's obviously not, but she's not, you know." Jess subtly darted her eyes at Bella who sat across the table beside Mike.

"I climbed up on a big rock to try to find everybody else, I got too far out." I frown at how mechanically I was repeating these words now. "There was this huge thing there, down close to the Quillayute river. I couldn't get a good look at what it was but everyone thinks it's a bear. And it had torn him apart. I don't remember what happened after, I must've passed out. Sam Uley from the reservation carried me until he found other people, they brought a stretcher out or something. I woke up in the ambulance."

"There's been a lot of missing people down in Oregon." Angela tells me. "Hunters, hikers. Maybe the bear moved North."

"What, like a serial killer bear?" Mike snorted. "It was a freak one time thing."

"Bella you must've been so relieved when your sister came back from the woods." Angela steered the conversation away, delicate about it.

"Huh?" Bella blinked, out of it. I turned to her. "Oh, yeah. Very sad about Adam."

Except she didn't sound sad at all. She sounded like it had barely even registered in her mind that Adam had died. That he'd been torn to pieces. That I'd been the one to find my dead boyfriend's remains. Apparently I wasn't the only one shocked. "Bella?"