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❌TW: Abuse, SA, Death❌ *1 day til trip*
I was woken up to Jordan shaking and crying in his sleep. I rolled over and pulled him into my arms to help calm him. Once he calmed down I just laid there and held him until I began dosing off.
This situation happens maybe three or four times a week. He's been like this since I met him. It would originally happen every night. Although these little spells have gotten better, it's still a struggle trying to get him help.
As I began falling asleep, I heard Jordan whisper "i'm sorry." As he began dozing back off in my arms. I could tell that these spells have started affecting him mentally.
"It's okay pa. Go back to sleep." was all I could mutter out before I began to feel my eyes water. When I get like this I never let a tear fall. I push back all feelings and emotions because I have to be strong for my baby.
We've went to doctor after doctor, and therapist after therapist. But all they do is tell us that he suffers from nocturnal panic attacks, and prescribe him medicine that never works. And my baby is not about to walk around doped up on different medications acting like a zombie.
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Once we both woke up it was around 10:30-ish. Jordan decided to take a shower first, so I went downstairs and made a quick breakfast.
Once he came downstairs we began eating in a semi-comfortable silence. Neither one of us are morning people so silence is very normal around this time.
"Would you ever leave me?" Jordan asked out of the blue, completely throwing me off. And making me lose my appetite mid bite.
"Why would you ask me that?" I asked him
"Because i'm damaged. I'm a mess and i'm only a burden to you." He replied as he burst into tears.
I had to take a deep breath. I never knew he thought of himself that way.
I got out of my chair, walked over to him, and wrapped my arms around him.
"Your not a burden pa. I promise. And so what if your damaged. You went through some real shit. And I don't care if you wake me up a million times in one night. I'm going to wake up every time because I made you a promise that i'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere and you know this."
I wiped his tears from his face and kissed him on his forehead.
There is a lot of stuff that no one knows about me or Jordan. We've both faced some hard times. Jordan was involved in the same crash that killed his parents. His mother died saving him. The car flipped and him and his mom went airborne. She shielded him and hit a tree head first and died on impact. His dad died because he was trapped in the car when it flipped and it basically crushed him. Jordan survived with a few cuts and bruises.
When he moved in with his grandad, he blamed Jordan for his daughters death and constantly beat him and would often times "touch" him inappropriately. And then after he moved in with Egypt, he found out that there is a gene that every male on his dads side has. Which allows them to be able to become pregnant. In which made him very self conscious about himself. It skipped his dads generation and was passed down to him and his cousins. The gene just affected Egypt differently than it did most of the others.
When he met me I opened up to him about everything. I opened up to him and told him about my past life and why I came to Texas.
My father was a drug lord and when I was 15 he ended up getting killed in front of me. The people who killed him gave me an ultimatum to either leave Memphis and start a new life or serve them. I didn't want to be apart of that lifestyle anymore and just decided to leave. I relocated with my cousin in Atlanta for two years, but ultimately decided to come to Houston and live with my grandma. She ended up dying and left me this house and all of her assets. Including the 3 million dollars she's saved over her 94 years of living. She was already very well off but she decided to stop spending as much and start saving when she was 50. She gave it to me since I was really the only one who ever checked up on her.
But I've lived a life of trauma and running too. I know what it feels like to constantly replay those bad situations in my head. So I guess we'll be damaged together.
