Crack In The Ice

Chapter Twenty-Five [Eli]

I'm the one who gives Dean the idea.

Or at least that's how I want him to feel.

The two of us are a success at the All-Star. We have never been more in synch than ever, on and off the ice. Seattle gave us the perfect opportunity to show that off.

He and Nat keep talking, but they seem to want to take it slow. Painstakingly slow. I just wanted to make sure I was not a factor in that decision.

So, when we returned to Calgary, I told Dean he could invite Nat to visit.

I heard them mention it briefly in hushed tones back in Seattle, but I wanted to make sure Dean knew it was fine by me. Even if Dean knows I'm gay now, Nat and I were still together. And we shared a lot of firsts.

And yeah. Maybe Nat coming to visit is a distraction from the last time I saw Liam back home. 

My intention was to see him for a clear, honest talk. For maybe the first time since we came into each other's lives. I don't regret ending the conversation the way we did, but maybe I should. Jumping into the physical without any regard for anything else is what got us neck deep into this mess in the first place. But a part of my brain keeps telling me I'm an idiot for not taking the chance he gave me to be with him like that for one last time. In case it was the last time.

The bigger, more rational part of me is glad I had that moment of sobriety. Because I know it would have sucked to see him move on from me after rekindling that.

Having Nat around will give me something else to think about. Like how to get her and Dean to see I'm completely okay with their relationship.

What wasn't in the plans was Gus coming along.

When Dean first asked if Gus could come with Nat, I was confused. Dean said he was going through something and Nat wanted him to get out of town for a bit, so I said yes. Because saying no felt weird. Plus, one more person means one more distraction, right?

They come on a Friday afternoon, in early February. Dean and I have a game on Saturday, so he suggests we all go out today. Nat's on board, but Gus says he's tired. It takes some gentle nudging from Nat for him to finally agree, on the promise we'll be home early, since Dean and I have to be at the rink in the morning.

When Dean decides to take us all to an outdoor public skating rink, I mentally curse myself. Watching everyone put their skates on reminds me that, just under five hundred miles away, Liam is preparing for his first winter Olympics.

So much for distractions.

I regret those thoughts as soon as I see Dean's huge, stupid grin as Nat pulls him onto the ice. This was supposed to be about Dean. And if he's happy, I need to find a way to deal.

I look over at Gus, who's just sort of sitting on the bench, skates on, eyes out on the ice, fixed yet unfocused.

I'm suddenly reminded that the two of us have never really sat together alone before. Have we ever even talked?

Maybe I'm staring, because he turns his head to look at me and I feel my face heat up a little. Not so much for staring, but because I really don't know what to say to him. 

Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm aware that the lack of interaction between us was more than just a consequence of belonging to different circles. In Brunson High everyone sort of knew each other, even if they weren't from the same groups. Even if you weren't from the same year as someone, you'd cross paths. With Gus, I'm not sure whether it was ever really conscious, but I used to avoid him.

Avoiding the only openly gay guy in town is sort of Being Closeted 101.

"Sorry you didn't make it to the Olympics this year."