'°☆ lupin comfort fic •°

☆.'°• III ; i'll keep repeating it until you believe it •°'.☆

i felt like a little child sitting on the edge of a bed waiting for lupin to return from the matron's office. the hospital wing was empty except for me. it was comfortably quiet and solely the light of the moon illuminated the room sparsely. the door to madam promfrey's office opened before lupin closed it behind him and approached me. he carried a bottle in his hand, filled with a dark blue, almost black liquid.
"that's the sleeping potion. enough for a little while for the start. madam pomfrey trusted me to monitor your intake and track any progress."
i nodded.
"i told her i'd try to help you resolve the mental part myself.", he added with tilted head and a smile on his lips.

"alright then, here you go.", he handed me a cup with the right amount of sleeping potion.
he had brought me to his office, where we now sat at a small table. i sniffed the liquid before drinking it, it both smelled and tasted surprisingly pleasant. it only had a bitter after taste, in reaction to which i grimaced a little because it took me by surprise. lupin chuckled and put away my cup and the bottle.
"alright then, let's hope this will work. i'll expect you to be here again tomorrow evening by quarter to ten, is that fine?"
i nodded.
"get a good night's sleep then.", he smiled.

for the following days, i visited lupin every evening and took my sleeping potion like the well-behaved child i was. to my relief, the potion alleviated the pain inflicted by the wolves for the night and let me drift off into a deep sleep. but alas only for the night, during the day i was being chased like always. lupin tried to get me to talk every evening, but i was reluctant to open up. after all i had started hurting myself more frequently again and i was afraid i'd make a wrong move and he'd find out again. therefore i tried to keep the interactions between him and i as brief as possible. i did a good job at concealing my actions, up until one evening on which i messed up again. the winter holidays were approaching, so the teachers were eager to still torture us as much as possible before our break started. my day had been exhausting and i had been on the verge of tears for more or less the whole time, so when i finally had gotten over with all my school work and could spare some time i didn't hesitate and stormed off to the bathroom. i didn't care that i still had to visit lupin for my sleeping potion soon. all i cared about was my blade. i locked myself in the first stall and with my back against the wall i slid down onto the floor. i couldn't hold it back and started weeping like a child. i took my blade and dragged it across my arm mulitple times, over and over again. only when i started feeling faint and the blade slipped out of my hand, it occured to me that i might've overdone it this time. but it was too late anyway, my vision was already turning black.

when june didn't show up for the daily sleep potion, lupin started to get a little worried.
'that's strange...', he thought to himself, 'she's usually always overly punctual and hasn't ever missed the sleeping potion. madam pomfrey said that consistency is important, so i better to look for her if she doesn't turn up anytime soon.'
after a little more time passed and there was still no june waiting in front of his door, he decided he ought to look for her. he had already checked in the library and was now roaming the corridors. suddenly, he was startled by a strong smell of blood. without hesitating he stormed into the bathroom from where the smell seemed to come. he banged against the locked door of the first stall;  no doubt about it, the smell most definitely came from there.
"hello?", in his voice was a slight hint of panic.
after there was no reaction from behind the door, he drew his wand.
"alohomora!"
he had finally found her. she was right there in front of him, slumped against the wall with closed eyes, a dead expression on her face and a puddle of blood surrounding her arm resting on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. he picked her up carefully and hurried to the hospital wing, carrying her limp body in his arms. maybe being a werewolf wasn't completely useless after all.

"what the hell happened?", madam pomfrey exclaimed at the sight of june's body.
"if only i knew.", lupin laid her down gently onto a hospital bed, "she'll be okay right?"
madam pomfrey checked her pulse and nodded. lupin sighed in relief. the matron kept her cool even in a sitation like this and stopped the bleeding with a spell.
"not much i can do about the scarring."
while madam pomfrey was cleaning and bandaging her arm, lupin noticed that there were older cuts and scars too. she had broken her promise and now he knew.

when i came round in the middle of the night, i needed a few minutes to sort my thoughts and find out why i was in the hospital wing. i sat up and noticed someone on a chair next to my bed. though it wasn't just anyone, it was lupin. i connected the dots and it dawned on me that he had been the one to bring me to the hospital wing. he noticed i was awake and faced me; he didn't say anything, he merely looked at me. i pulled the blanket up to my eyes to hide from his gaze since i couldn't tell whether or not he was upset with me.
"i'm sorry.", i managed to squeak.
"it's alright, i just wish you would've said something. not just today, but all the other times as well. i saw your older cuts and scars, june. they most definitely weren't there yet on the day i patched you up."
i averted my gaze from him, he sounded disappointed.
"i know, i'm sorry. i understand if you're upset with me, you don't have to sit here and pretend you're okay with me taking up so much of your time. i get it, i know i'm draining."
"what? no june, don't get the wrong idea, i don't mind spending my time on and with you. i want to be there for you, i'm trying to help you because i want to, not because i need to. got that?"
i gave him a short nod, even if his words didn't quite convince me.
"shouldn't you be asleep?", i asked.
"i wanted to wait for you to wake up, so you wouldn't be alone once you did."
"that's... kind. thank you."
"it's nothing. how are you feeling?"
"i'm okay."
"be honest, please.", he sighed.
"i feel terrible that i always make you deal with my stupid behaviour."
"i'm your teacher, i'm supposed to be there for you and help you students. i care for you and i'm not only saying that as your professor but as a person too. you're not burdening me, got that?"
"mhm.", i grumbled and lay back down.
"i'll keep repeating it until you believe it.", he threatened before adding something else.
"by the way, you know i'll have to inform dumbledore about this, right?"
"i know.", i sighed, "i won't have to come along though, will i?"
"you don't, no worries.", he shook his head, "i'll go and let you sleep now, okay? madam promfrey said she still wants to keep you here for a little, but getting rest is important either way. don't forget to visit me for the sleeping potion. sleep well, june."
i nodded.
"good night, professor."

i was released from the hospital wing by madam pomfrey the following afternoon, under one circumstance: i'd re-apply the ointment she gave me and change the bandage frequently. i visited lupin again in the evening.
"come in!", was the answer upon my knocks on his door.
"hello there.", he said as he offered me a seat at his table. so he had planned to have a proper conversation with me. not that i blamed him, especially after what had happened the previous night. he handed me the cup with my sleeping potion and i thanked him.
"so, i spoke to dumbledore earlier.", he initiated the conversation.
"what did he say?", i asked a little fearful after i had gulped down the liquid.
"him and i and came to the conclusion that you're a danger to yourself and that it isn't quite safe to have you stay alone over the winter holidays since you'll be spending them at hogwarts. therefore we decided that it'd be for the best if you stayed here with me for those two weeks so i can have an eye on you. what do you think? would that be okay?"
"oh professor i- i couldn't, this is your space after all, i'd just be a nuisance, i don't think i'm very pleasant to have around, especially not constantly-"
"well if that's the only issue you have, i can assure you that is actually no issue at all.", he cut me off, "i was only worried that the thought of having to stay here would make you uncomfortable."
"no that's not it.", i shook my head, "are you sure it's no bother?"
"i can reassure you it's not. then i'll see you tomorrow evening with your bags?"
"alright, if you're sure it's okay."

---

wc ; 1622
a/n ; hiiii :) take this chapter because i am 100% certain that soon the daily updates will die out and i'll barely update at all- apologies ahead for that xd