i can stop the tears if i want to | jenlisa

01

Lisa climbed into the van 20 minutes late, wearing ratty sweatpants and an oversized hoodie with shades over her bloodshot eyes. Jisoo looked up from her switch with a smile that eventually slipped into a small grimace when the scent of stale alcohol hit her nose.

"Rough night, Limario?"

"Nothing I can't handle." She brushed off with a grin that in no way matched the way she appeared.

When she dropped into the back, the first thing she did was press thin fingers against her temples to try and ease the hammering that hadn't stopped since she woke up. It certainly didn't help that she had downed two painkillers with the last mouthful of vodka before she rushed out, and for a moment she wanted to roll her eyes at her own stupidity. But even doing that would hurt so she settled for slumping further in her seat, preparing for the bumpy ride to rehearsals.

Her solo promotion was finally (thankfully) over, where she smashed records and got all the numbers that made the important people happy. It was a whirlwind of interviews, live performances and having a camera in her face at all hours of the day that left her breathless in the most tiring way. Lisa particularly remembered her third stage that ended in roaring applause that she waved and smiled at before shutting herself in a room for half an hour as she relived the lyrics she wrote. When the girls surprised her at her house afterwards with balloons and drinks, she was overwhelmed with gratefulness for their support that couldn't be faked. The animated energy she exuded however, was another story altogether.

But tonight, I'll be the happiest girl in the world

You'll see like it doesn't matter

Tonight, I'll be the happiest girl in the world

You'll see like it never happened

That had been months ago and now it was all about preparing for their world tour that would be kicking off in two weeks. The group were busy with constant rehearsals that went on late into the night and if Lisa was a glutton for punishment, she would stay until the early hours of the morning. She needed something to ground her and there was no better way than to lose herself by chasing perfection through dance.

When they finally arrived at the studio, it was to Chaeyoung breaking open a packet of chips and waving it up in a happy greeting. Lisa had only began stretching as the last member of their group slipped into the room, eyes locked onto her phone until she felt them land on her. She met Jennie's gaze and pulled her lips into a practised smile, stamping down the need to reach for her. But Jennie did that all on her own as she gave the other two girls a quick hug and then attached herself to Lisa's side, quietly pouting about how she hadn't replied to her cute good morning message she had seen and chosen to ignore. Jisoo, observant as ever and her silent saviour, was quick to provide her with a way out by cueing their music and starting their session wordlessly.

And hours later, Lisa would still feel the warmth of Jennie's body that had pressed up against her as she let a nameless woman scatter kisses across chest and down her stomach, giving into the baseless pleasure that her heart didn't want. Instead of falling deeper into phantom memories, she forced herself to enjoy the blonde hair and light eyes staring back at her from between her thighs.

The next day at practice, she purposely wore a crop top that failed to hide the love marks and red lines scratched into her skin. She let her members tease her endlessly, asking all the questions with no filters and getting nothing in response except for a casual shrug of the shoulders.

It almost felt normal.

-

Paris felt different.