i can stop the tears if i want to | jenlisa

04

Jisoo's voice trailed off midsentence and Chaeyoung snapped her jaw shut, neither of them having expected the outburst. But it was Jennie that pounced.

"So you are dating someone?"

It was accusatory and Lisa didn't hide the way she rolled her eyes. The words had just been blurted out in the heat of the moment and she didn't even have a moment to breathe yet. There was no time to process what she had done and what would come next. And whatever it was, she doubted she was ready for it.

"I'm not." She snapped back.

"You just told us you're –"

Lisa knew what she was going to say, and even though Jennie's intentions would never be to hurt her on purpose, she didn't need those words thrown back in her face. Not from Jennie.

"She doesn't know." It was hard to admit out loud.

She was also embarrassed, so embarrassed that she had put herself in this situation. She didn't even want to look at her other two friends who were probably watching in pity, not knowing whether it was their place to step in. Lisa almost wished that they did just so she could escape the room that was suffocating her and making her neck flush in shame.

When the silence dragged, she took it as her way out before she could spill more secrets that were meant to stay secret for a reason.

"Are we done with this conversation?"

And there must've been something in her voice that made the girls baulk and scramble to make it less tense. Rosé tried to approach her subtly but Lisa sidestepped it and stared straight ahead as she made for the door. She also anticipated Jennie reaching for her with guilty eyes and snatched her arm away before they could make contact. Jisoo was the one that let her go without a fight, understanding her need to leave and simply watched as she slammed the door on her way out.

It all felt very dramatic, the way she marched down the hallway and found the next empty rehearsal room to lock herself in. She just needed some time to unpack whether she felt relieved that half of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders or horrified that Jennie might finally catch on to her feelings.

Neither option did well to comfort her.

Lisa had gone so deep into her thoughts that she wasn't sure if she was perhaps hallucinating the firm knocks on the door. Not until they continued sporadically with a clear purpose and she could no longer ignore it because the person on the other side knew she was in there. Still, she made her way over hesitantly, thinking it would be Chaeyoung wanting to offer a shoulder to lean on and do her best friend duties.

It was Jisoo who came in when she allowed it and pulled her into a tight hug silently. There were no words of comfort or patronising pats to the back, only strong arms around her that allowed her to hook a chin over Jisoo's shoulder till her neck started to ache. She didn't cry or sob, just stared at the same spot on the hardwood floor while the rest of the world faded into white noise. She didn't know when they had both sank to the ground or when it started to get dark outside, just that she felt completely empty.

"I don't know what I'm doing..." Lisa finally whispered.

"We'll figure something out."

"Ok."

But she clung to the older woman for a little while longer until her body began protesting the odd position it had been folded up into. Only after Jisoo's quiet reassurance that she had sent the other girls home hours ago did she finally pick herself up and consider leaving.

                                                                                        -

She got 48 hours of peace and silence before anyone even tried to approach her.