always forever Bernard x Trans Male Reader

chapter five

This chapter mentions the use of drugs, trauma, and eating issues. Nothing too bad just a little. Drink some water today please.

I knew I had to get up, but I honestly didn't feel like it.

Yesterday Neil helped me drop out, due to recent events. I moved back from my apartment to my mom's house. Charlie was happy to see me. I have heard news that he's been getting in trouble, but when he told me why, I understood why he did what he did, and I understand why he was punished.

I finally got to the point where I could drag myself out of bed. I could smell the pancakes being cooked downstairs. I knew they were only making them because of what happened, they were trying their best to make me feel better.

I made my way downstairs, my tired body not wanting to cooperate with me.

I went into the kitchen, Niel and Charlie were sitting at the table, while mom was cooking in the other part of the kitchen.

“Hey sport....”  I heard Niel say, sounding as if I was a child, “How’d you sleep?”

“Fine.” I replied monotoned. I honestly didn’t feel like speaking. It just doesn’t feel right.

“You have a letter, it's from Bernard." Charlie said, passing an envelope to me.  After Niel and mom finally started to believe Dad that he was in fact Santa, I got around to telling them that I was sending letters to the head elf that works there. Mom endlessly teases me about “wHaT iF hE lIKeS yOu”. I never can get out a response, because the thought of him liking me left me speechless. I knew it would never happen, he is centuries older than me, and he would never like me like that. 

I sat down next to Charlie, tearing open the letter. The familiar smell of peppermint and cinnamon wafted up into my nose, instantly making me smile. It was a subtle but comforting smell.

I slipped the letter out of the envelope,  I thought about reading the letter here at the table, but maybe not, due to the fact that I don’t trust that Charlie won't read it over my shoulder. And this letter is the response to the letter I sent him about what happened. I slipped the letter back in its envelope, saving it for later. 

“Aren’t you going to read it?” Charlie asked, his look of confusion was matching Niel’s.

“I’ll wait.” I spoke quickly and quietly.  I watched as Mom came towards the table with a plate filled with pancakes stacked on top of one another in one hand and in the other a thing of syrup. The butter was already on the table, and I don’t understand why this family keeps the butter at the table. Oh well.

We ate, mostly in silence. It wasn't a comfortable silence though.  I felt as though I didn't belong, I had been gone for so long, and now I'm back, after a really shitty turn of events, and now everyone's acting like I'm a bomb waiting to go off.And I feel that the only reason they're taking care of me is because they feel bad for me, they pity me.

I could barely eat; all my thoughts could think of was throwing up. I couldn’t even stand to look at the food. I knew it tasted good, but the thought of putting that shit into my mouth made me want to gag. Mom must have noticed that I wasn't eating, and the disgusted look on my face. 

“Does it not taste good? "  She asked, giving me a concerned look.

"No, no ,no! Not a all!" I said.  "I'm just not very hungry."

Now I feel like a peice of shit

"You haven't been hungry these past few days, is something wrong?"  I had  no comment to that. He was right.

"I'm....just not hungry.."  I mustered, feeling extremely guilty for somthing I don't know about.

I saw Niel purse his lips. He was getting annoyed. He's usually a pretty chill guy, but I was getting on his nerves now, just for not being hungry.