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𝐉𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐞- _universewrites
Winner (1st Place)
Book Title: The Assassin's Choice (book 2)
Cover. 5/5
Title. 4/5
Blurb. 9/10
Plot. 17/20
Grammar and Vocabulary. 18/20
Character and Development. 8/10
Writing Style. 17/20
Overall Emotion/ Enjoyment. 7/10
Total: 85/100
Review/ Final Note:
Nothing to say really, but since this is a second book, transition should have a good flow. This would excite readers if the transition was written well. You tried to do it, but it felt like the epilogue from last time was just summarized. (I could tell)
Anyway, not a major issue. Keep up with the good writing. I really liked the book!
1st Runner up (2nd Place)
Book Title: "My MaRiLyn…"
Cover 5/5
Not much to say, but this is a very good cover.
Title 4/5
This is a very well written title, the elipsis, the quatation marks… Although, the mixing of capital letters with small letters was not it. The elipsis would have done a good job at presenting what you were trying to do. I understand what you were trying to do, but mixing upper and lower case laters doesn't do the trick, especially for titles.
Blurb 5/10
The blurb brought out what was wanted, but the issue here is grammar. This is usually the first thing people read if they want to dive into the book. If the blurb isn't making sense, then readers won't bother continuing with the book. There was also unnecessary use of quotation marks in some words. Avoid also spilling much of the story.
Plot 15/20
The plot is good so far. However, if you're gonna drag the story before the climax, put in meaningful circumstances throughout. We need something happening apart from Timothy meeting people and him describing what he likes and doesn't. Give us a story before the climax, before everything starts escalating. Give us something about Ciara, Baba or even Marilyn.
Grammar and Vocabulary 9/20
Before publishing a chapter, read through it to fix the grammar and spelling. Pop some vocabulary here and there, preferably adjectives considering you're talking about a mentally ill person. Most readers stop reading a story once they find out reccuring grammar mistakes. There was also misuse of quotation marks. These are usually used when only necessary.
Character and Development 5/10
In order to understand a character, we were more about them. Tell us why we should like or dislike Timothy. I need to relate to characters to connect with them. Make me feel like these characters actually exist. While you did good with the plot, you should also tell us more about the characters.
Writing Style 15/20
Your writing style might be overlooked especially with grammar mistakes. You have a good style, I'm just not sure if it's because of the fact that you're speaking from the serial killer's POV. In this case, try changing POVs.
Overall Emotion/ Enjoyment 5/10
Due to the in attachment from the characters, I never got much emotional vibe. Was I supposed to feel pity for Timothy? Just how much does he love Marilyn? Make us feel what they're feeling. Write about it.
Total: 64/100
Review/ Final Note:
All I have to say is take care of your use of quotation marks, because they really throw people off. Edit your work and be 100% sure before publishing it. And also, do your research on mental illness and people with them. Your writing shows that you only have knowledge of what people believe of mental illness on the surface. This is important, especially if your writing in the POV of the person. You don't have to be 100% informed though. No pressure! Overall, that was good work.
2nd Runner up (3rd Place)
Book Title: Finding Myself
Cover 5/5
This cover is not only beautiful, but goes with the vibe the story is trying to give. This was really good!
Title 5/5
Short and simple,check. Tells us a bit about the story, check. Easily understandable, check. A good title.
Blurb 7/10
You didn't need to give so much in your blurb. The first paragraph would have been enough. If there's advice to give about your story, just show that it isn't part of the blurb. This part shouldn't reveal so much. It's just a 'need to know' or a push to read the story. It is supposed to tell readers why they should read.
Plot 9/20
While you were doing good at the beginning, things just started to sound monotone. Nothing climatic was happening. Was there only one side to the story? Things shouldn't sound so boring. At least something like suspense or maybe a character having negative intentions. Your plot would discourage the reader from moving forward. The plot and the title should also go hand in hand. How does Olivia find herself? How is the journey of her finding herself progressive?
Grammar and Vocabulary 7/20
The grammar was very off-putting. Sometimes I couldn't understand what I was reading at all. That goes for spelling and tense. Sentence arrangement too. If English wasn't your first language and you really wanted to write in English, get someone who can to help. Someone mentioned that past tense was your strongest suit. They were kinda right. Pop some vocabulary too in order to make the story seem colourful.
Character and Development 4/10
You tried as much as possible to make us relate to the OC, but the thing is, we don't really know her. The only thing we know is her name. The other characters too. Develop personalities for your characters. Are we supposed to hate him for breaking up with her? If not, why? Things like these.
Overall Emotion/ Enjoyment 8/10
I admit, I was sad at some point. Try as much as possible to use fitting adjectives to describe emotions. You should also show the points at which we should change how we feel through your writing. In short, enhance the emotion through words.
Total: 54/100
Reviews/ Final Note:
While I sympathize with you, if you're going to enter a book in an award, it should be in the form of an actual book. An actual novel. Even if you wanted to document your life, make it interesting to the point that we want to know more. Improve your writing style by reading more, that is, if your intention is to write books. Get an editor to help you out, cause this was a good idea you had for the book. And also, if this was a real story, why is it under General Fiction?
Side note, I really hope you're okay. People have undergone what you have and I hope you find peace with yourself and the other person. I also hope you have people to talk to, because that makes everything a bit better.
In the meantime, live life, okay?
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