Three Day Cafe

Episode 1. Eighth Wonder of the Multiverse

When Razel saw the two big, mean rifles pointed at her face, held by two men with big, mean faces, she put her hands up.

"The money," the one to her right growled. He had a deep, gravelly voice that cracked a little, which grated on her nerves. A cursory scan of the two told her all she needed. They were both bald, dressed in cheap red cloaks and drab tan commoner's pants. They had the weathered brown skin and hard expressions of cutthroats. The one to her right was tall and had a prominent red scar on his cheek. The one to her left was a shade more seedy-looking and had a black eye patch. He bared his yellowing teeth, revealing a missing gap in the upper molars. Clearly, these two had tangled with the law before.

She moved her hand towards the cash register, playing along, watching the brief eye movement by Mr. Ugly Red on the right. Like h*** you're getting my money, she thought to herself.

The equally ugly guy on the left was looking at the cocoa-brown cat ears on her head and the brown tail swaying behind her back. "What kind of animal are you supposed to be?" he sneered.

"An endangered one," she replied dryly. Razel glanced down at herself. Raven-colored leather jacket—bulletproof, picked up from the weird, modern-ish Hundred Island thrift store a week ago. She liked the way it felt brushing against her brown ponytail. Black-handled knife tucked in the belt of her blue jeans. Hard boots, good for stomping. She calculated she could disarm one of them in seconds with her superior reflexes. But she didn't want to risk a dance with any number of jet-black assault rifles. At least not today. It was payday.

"Oni!" Razel hollered over her shoulder. "We're getting robbed! Again!"

As the cash register popped open, a tall woman skipped over to her.

"Raaaaaw-zelllll! How does Oni look?"

The two robbers simultaneously flinched and drew near to Oni instinctively. Razel found this an odd but interesting combo. To the average observer, Oni was as beautiful and physically imposing as she was stupid.

Oni was very stupid.

"You look like an idiot," Razel replied.

Oni referred to herself as a dragon, but like Razel she looked almost completely human, except for a few animal-like features. In Razel's case, those were the ears and the tail, and in Oni's case those were horns and wings. Enough of an oddity to make people look twice, but not enough to scare them away. Oni had an easier time accepting the inevitable gawking, because she'd been born that way.

The little white waitress apron barely fit over Oni's heavy black armor and towering figure. Her long black hair and shining brown eyes made Razel infuriated for unknown reasons. The little black horns poking from Oni's head, coupled with the large midnight dragon wings behind her back, completed her intimidating appearance even as she smiled brightly at Razel. And the way she moved...dear gods...

"Oni, stop shaking your stupid behind like that!"

Oni continued to shake her rear end as she bounced up and down in place. "What is wrong with it?" she asked Razel, apparently oblivious to the two men threatening the cat woman.

"People are staring. Tone it down. It's...large." The longer Razel gazed at it, the more awkward she felt. "It's too large. Like, that and your chest are way out of proportion to your body."

"My butt is the Eighth Natural Wonder of the Multiverse!" Oni announced proudly to Razel.

Razel rolled her eyes. "Sounds about right. Your a** would fit right in parked between a lame forest preserve and a crusty old monument."

Oni beamed. She did not appear to understand this was meant as an insult until several seconds later. "Hey!" She kept smiling cheerfully.

Razel waved at the robbers. "Oni, please let these gentlemen know about the sign." She indicated a small, metallic, cream-colored plaque with screaming red letters on the front of the counter. It was a leftover from the previous owner, whoever that had been.