Under the same sky

Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Fear

Just like what Wayne said, I stayed at their condo. Ilang araw na din ang lumipas noong nalaman ko ang ginawa sa akin nina Amanda. I can't call her tita now, she's worse than I knew she was.

Sa mga araw na dumaraan ay dahan dahan ko na ring natanggap ang mga nangyari. They chose to hurt me, now I chose not to let them do the same thing again.

Napapikit ako sa inis nong may bumobulabog na naman sa pintuan ng kwarto ko. Walang ibang makakagawa nito kungdi siya lang.

"Jean come out, samahan mo ako!"

Mula sa pagkakahiga ay bumangon ako nagtungo sa may pintuan. Hindi naman sa ayaw kong gawin ang minsay utos niya but I just hate it when he ordered like I am too slow to even understand, palagi niya kasi itong inuulit.

"What is it now?"

I ask after opening the door. Namalayan kong hindi naman pala ito nakabihis at wala naman itong damit na suot.

He's being topless again, damn this guy.

"Wala akong kasama mag-scuba, samahan mo'ko" 

There he goes again. Ever since I stayed here, he did nothing but to always ask me to come with him. Hindi na din kasi ako sumama sa kanya mula nong malaman ko ang totoo.

"Ayoko"

I closed the door but he immediately blocked it.

"Natatakot ka ba?"

That stunned me. I feel like my tongue was tied that I can't even utter for just one word.

Am I scared?

No.

"Natatakot ka bang baka itulak din kita sa gitna ng karagatan?"

Hearing those made me remember what happened last time. The scene, the feeling and the way I catch my breath when drowned.

Shit!

"Are you scared of death Jean?"

Stop please!

Just like that, I feel my eyes slowly forming a liquid. It was about to fall, but I managed not to let it.

"I'm not scared of death!"

I shouted before shutting the door. Sumandal ako sa may pintuan saka hinayaang pumatak ang aking mga luha.

Fear.

Is it really my fear?

Maybe.

"Come with me Jean, it's not that I'm going to kill you there"

I heard him whispered before hearing a footsteps walking away.

I wipe my tears and sigh. Pumunta ako sa may salamin at tinanaw ang aking sarili. Seeing my reflection made me feel like I'm still the old me. The old weak me who knows nothing but to cry when scared.

I can't be weak, I have to change. Now that they tried to kill me, I just can't act like nothing happened. Sigurado akong gagawin nila ulit 'yon pag nalaman nilang buhay pa ako.

I may not yet know the reason behind it, but I know I would probably know it someday.

This time, I will just do things that would help me. The first thing I had to do is...

face my fear

Being fearless makes us feel unbothered, and it's the only way to survive.

Napagpasyahan kong sumama kay Wayne dahil wala din naman akong magawa dito. Ayuko naman na manood lang ng TV buong araw, wala din naman kasi dito si Emarson.