A Nerd Hurts a Bully

25

MANUEL

I was having a fair day. April vacation is here, so that means that me and my mom are packing up for our trip to New York City. I texted my friends.

M: I'm going to NYC for a week lol
N: luckyyyy no fair I always wanted to go
Z: omg have fun
B: that's nice, I have been there it's nice ngl
W: I heard they have rats in their subways, be ready
M: it's not like California is any better lmfao
W: u got a point lol
M: gotta finish packing, ttyl?
N: yeah, enjoy ur trip

I'm not going to lie, I am pretty excited. I always wanted to go to New York, whether it's the city or the countryside. The only thing I don't like about it is that my dad is from there and some of my dad's family live there. My mom said I shouldn't let that stop me from going where I want to go. I agreed. Plus, it was too late to change anything. My mom always wanted to go to New York, preferably New York City. She didn't care about dad's family living there, but I kind of did.

I finished packing. I got something to eat, but I wasn't that hungry. I looked skinnier than I was before the party. I looked weak, like I was easy to beat up. I have to stop thinking about the party. That's where it all started.

My day was going fine until it wasn't. "Manuel!" My mom yelled. "Yes, ma?" I asked. "I just got some great news! Trial starts in 2 weeks!" My mom said excitedly. "I can finally get revenge on that son of a bitch." My mom said.

What? This is all for her revenge on dad? What about me? I thought this was for me? For my justice? I just looked at her. "Yeah that's great.." I muttered. My mom looked at me worried. "Aren't you excited?" My mom asked. "Yeah, for you." I said softly. "For me? It's for you." My mom said. "It's for your revenge, like you said." I said. I started to overthink about the trial.

I wasn't ready to see my father in court. I wasn't ready to testify. I wasn't ready for everyone in the world to know about what happened to me. I wasn't ready for people to judge me and say "boys can't get raped," or "that's impossible," "that's a female thing," "only gay men and females get raped," and "that's not true."

I wasn't ready for any of it. My mom checked the time. "Okay, we got to go to the airport. We will talk more about it there. Get in the car." She said.

"What do you mean you aren't ready for trial? You can finally get your justice that you deserve!" My mom said while driving. "I don't know. I'm not ready. It's all happening so fast and I..." I hesitated. "I can't do it." I finally said. "I'm sorry." I said. My mom looked angry, sad, confused, and worried at the same time.

My mom didn't talk to me for the whole time at the airport. She ignored me whenever I apologized. I hate the silent treatment. It makes me feel like I did everything wrong. It makes me feel guilty for something that wasn't my fault. It makes me feel bad for something I didn't do.

I wish I had the confidence like some of my friends do. I wish I had the confidence I had before the party. I wish I was myself before the party. I was popular, had "all the girls," was the average weight, smart, wasn't missing school, had a beautiful girlfriend, would always host parties, didn't give a fuck about my past every time, did some type of sport (mostly track.) The list goes on and on.

Now I'm weak, underweight, no girls want me, always getting touched somehow by men, always thinking about the past, I don't go to parties, broke up with beautiful girlfriend and she went for my brother, no time for sports because I'm too much trouble, etcetera.

I was begging for my mom to talk to me. She just turned around whenever I tried to approach her. "I'm sorry, mom. Please talk to me." I said, hoping this time it would get more luck. She turned around and went on her phone texting her boyfriend, Luke. I started to tear up. I didn't like when my mom ignored me. My sadness quickly turned into anger. I left where me and my mom were sitting. Our flight wasn't until 6 hours. We thought it was earlier, so we went early.

I decided to go to the bathroom. I couldn't believe my eyes. I saw ONE of the boys that tortured me. I figured out some of their names. This boy was named Adrian. I tried to go into one of the stalls so he wouldn't spot me. Sadly, all of them were occupied or gross. So, I left the bathroom and went hiding in an unknown room.

He sadly spotted me anyway. He chuckled. "So you said something, huh?" He said. "I'm sorry." I said softly. He pinned me against the wall. "We are going to kill you once break is over." He said. He grabbed my crotch. I tried to resist him from touching me anymore. But I was weak and skinny  and he was buff and athletic. I'm not even going to lie, he had a nice body. But that doesn't mean I wanted it, right?

I yelled for him to stop. Nobody was near. The airport wasn't busy anyway. "I know you want it." He said. I froze. Nobody ever said that to me when they touched me. Did I really want it but was in denial? No, at least I don't think so. No! I didn't want it! I never did! I tried to push him away from me. He just became stronger and stronger. He lifted my chin so I can look at him. He was only like 2-4 inches taller than me. "So, where are you going, fuckboy?" Adrian asked. "I shouldn't tell you!" I yelled. He pushed me on the floor. "Tell me now!" He yelled. I got scared. "N-New York City." I said out of fear.

He got closer. I tried to go backwards, but I hit a dead end in this mysterious room. "Stand up." He said in a low, scary tone. I quickly stood up. "Turn around." He said. I followed his orders. "And strip." Adrian said. I froze. I didn't want to strip in front of Adrian. That's scary. "No..." I whispered in a soft tone.

"What did you say?" He said. "I said no." I said a little bit louder. I tried walking away, but he dragged me back to where I was. "You are not fucking leaving!" He said. He pushed me down to my knees. I knew where this was going. I didn't want it to happen, I swear. I'm not gay. It's not like being gay is a bad thing, it's just that I don't like boys like that. Even though I been touched multiple times by males, I still am not attracted to them. I'm attracted to girls. I never had sex with them. I don't know why I'm attracted to girls, I just am. I was thinking while Adrian did what he did to me. I let him do it. Not because I wanted to. But because I couldn't do anything.

Because I'm too weak.