Love Me The Way I Love You

A plan of action

One thing I never want to change is the way exers eyes shine when I visit him at the cafe.

Or the way his dimples show when he smiles , how they make him look so cheeky and handsome.

And the way his eyebrows knit together when he's thinking or anxious.
His button nose or the way he dresses or how he laughs so perfectly beautiful yet so full of true joy.

His taste in music is just so him it's like each song was written just to put a smile on his face. Even his secret love of Madonna although he'd never admit it, I've heard him humming along when she's on the radio when I ask him about it he turns bright red and claims its just a catchy song but I know his favourite is Material Girl he's bought atleast three cassette tapes with that song on because he has to keep buying new ones since they break so quickly from how much he uses them.

One thing I wish I could change is the way he looks at me. I want him to look at me the way I now know he once looked at Brenda. Not as a freind but as the one he wants to share his life with, the one he wants to kiss and cuddle, the one he wants to see evrey morning and evening and the one he thinks about when he should be doing anything other then thinking about me.

I know that when he says 'I love you' he only means it as a friend it'll never mean what it means to me, to him...

But part of me can't help but hope that all these little moments that my heart clings so dearly to are atleast half as important to him as they are to me.

                 ********

I really like my best friend
OK like may be a bit of a mild term... I'm in love with exer so in love I literally forgave him for almost killing me (by accident). I can't go any longer pretending I don't love him. So today marks the beginning of my plan of action.

I'm going to confess by the end of the month but before I do that I'm going to enjoy having exer as my best friend. Even though exer has made it clear he doesn't have a problem with men loving men that doesn't mean he would feel comfortable with another man liking him things will undoubtedly get awkward and he'll probably distance himself from me things will never be the same and as much as I hate it I can't blame him .

But I have to do this I can't keep hiding this from him. If I don't tell him soon the weight of it will crush me and I'll end up saying it all anyway in one giant messy word waterfall.

"OK David take one deep breath, c'mon he's your best friend of 10 years it's not like he's Brad Pitt or something ! "

In ...
Out...

OK ok ok
I brush of some imaginary dust from my shirt.

The bells on the door jingled as I pushed the door to the cafe open. I raised my eyes up  to meet exers, bright and beautiful.