Only Time

Ch. 30 ~ Grief

We rode toward Lorien with heavy hearts knowing full well that we would have to withstand the burial of our dearest friends and kin. As we neared the big gates, the horn that blew from the inside of the forest was a mournful one. I rode in first with Sunset on Aniror and the wagon carrying Haldir. The others followed suit. The guards of the land were all lined up as my aunt and Lord Celeborn stood nearby with weary features. I said not a word as I dismounted Aniror and untied Sunset to give to the caretakers for healing and washing. I then led Haldir's steed along with the wagon toward the deepest part of the forest where the ancient Lorien cemetery stood. No one had been buried there for hundreds of years.

I do not remember much of the walk for I was like an automaton. My motions were rigid and it was as if I was in a dream or a nightmare to be more specific. Once every wagon stood beside the one next to it, we untied them from the steeds and the caretakers came to take the steeds to get properly washed and handled post battle. I did not see my aunt come up to me but I heard her soft voice buzzing in my ear. It was a few seconds before I realized what she was saying:

"My dear child, you need to go back to your chamber, have some food, a bath, and lay down for a while. Everything will be prepared here for a proper burial in the meantime."

It was then that I realized I could not even hug her because I was still wearing my armor which was smeared with black blood from the battle. I had to get changed so I nodded automatically and walked away. It was as if I had lost all of my ability to feel. I headed toward my chambers where my elven maidens were waiting with food and to help me with anything I needed. I could not stomach the food just yet but I did decide that a bath was necessary. I wanted all that disgusting blood off of me; I also realized I had some of Haldir's blood on me as well.

So I got into the tub after they helped strip me of my body armor and started washing everything away. I scrubbed myself as hard as I could until my skin turned red. They helped wash my hair. I felt a little better when I got out and they handed me a towel. I decided not to braid my hair but just brush it out until it was stick straight. I then walked and saw the gown that was ready for me; it was entirely black and mournful looking though it still shined even in the dark. It was perfect.

By the time I had gotten entirely dressed, I was able to eat what was brought to me but I decided to forgo the wine for some water instead. Finally, I was ready. I walked out on my balcony then as the maidens left with my dirty armor for the cleaners, it would have to be ready for there were more battles ahead. But that was the last thing on my mind. I stood there as the wind blew my hair back and I started to hear music and elves gathering. I could not close my eyes because each time I did, I would see his face staring into nothingness up above. I shook my head and put on flat shoes and a shawl and made my way down to the ground and followed all the other elves to the cemetery where I stood beside my aunt and Lord Celeborn. I watched as all the other elves that were now gone, were slowly buried side by side as markers were erected with their dates of birth and death on them. My aunt gave a small prayer for each.

Then at last we walked to a large stone tomb which stood erect in the middle of the cemetery; I saw Orodreth's name on it and knew it was time to move Haldir into the tomb with his father. Haldir had been washed and his hair was redressed so he would not look a mess. This time I had to look at his face as elves slowly carried him into the tomb. My eyes were blurry as I realized tears were streaming down my face then. I stopped them for a moment and touched his then. I blessed him then myself and nodded for the proceedings to continue. He was lowered into an empty sarcophagus like tomb adorned in all of his noble attire. He was now with his father per the latter's wishes.

As the top half was closed and I saw the likeness of Haldir already etched in stone that was done while I was upstairs getting ready, I lost it. Up until that point I was able to hold myself together but now this was really it, as my aunt gently took me by the arm and led me out of the tomb, my knees buckled and I collapsed against the stone wall. The grief was overwhelming. More than I ever felt even when I found him. The sobs that came out of me were so strong; I thought they would tear me apart. My brother was gone. This was proof positive now. I never saw the others leave me to my own wounded howling.