i just realized that my birthday is coming up in a week. i don't want to grow up. i don't want to go through all of the pain all over again. i'm scared to do the wrong thing and mess everything up. i want to kill myself so i can leave this life early, so i don't have to go through all of the crap i went through before. but i don't want to do that at the same time... because i'd hurt my friends and family.
i love my loved ones. i don't want them to feel hurt. i also hate physical pain, so how would i kill myself without drowning because i have a fear of dying at the same time of wanting to die. another reason is because i feel ungrateful. there are so many people that want to have the same life as me just so they can escape their current life. so at the same time, i want to die, but i also don't. it's complicated.
...i don't want a birthday party. all i'm gonna do is stare at the candle on the cake as it slowly dissolves into a puddle of wax onto the cake as tears roll down my cheeks, the rest of my face having a deadpan expression.
i'm scared.
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vent + sketch book
Randomok so this is basically a diary that i'm allowing u to read, have fun cringe-ing be warned, this has strong language and mentions of the dirty. for the brave souls still willing to read, let's get this show on the road that is an obstacle that is my...
