good parts ;; minsung

six

"Jisung, you're back, I-..."

Jisung had red eyes and puffy cheeks, hair messy with dazed eyes. Minho thought he had just awoken, but it was almost 5 pm, so it was highly unlikely that he had just awoken. Jisung noticed Minho standing across from him, quickly wiping his eyes and bowing his head. "Oh, hyung - hello."

"Have you been... crying?"

Jisung paused for a moment, avoiding eyes with the other. He cleared his throat as he tried unlocking his apartment door, but Minho quickly grabbed his wrist, somehow keeping his grip weak. "Hyung, don't-"

"Come over. We can talk inside," Minho said, his voice gentle. His eyes were full of empathy, patience, and understanding - Jisung felt compelled to nod, following Minho to his apartment. Soon enough, Jisung was seated on Minho's couch, holding his legs to his chest in silence.

Minho stood behind his kitchen counter, hands out in front of him as he patiently waited for Jisung to talk. The other was extremely hesitant, but seeing as Minho held the smallest of smiles on his lips, he pulled out some courage to finally utter something. "... Jisung doesn't deserve any of this..."

Minho raised an eyebrow. "But you're Jisung...?"

"Exactly. The way I don't care about Jisung... isn't deserved," Jisung muttered, staring down at the ground as tears formed in his eyes. "I just... want to love myself. I can't find any good parts to love. I feel empty. I'm living in a perpetual state of weakness, just... I'm not exactly hating myself. I just... don't care about myself."

So he was right.

Minho slowly nodded, understanding the situation fully. "Have you found help, perhaps?"

"My friend Felix referred me to a therapist," Jisung answered. "I still can't find reason. I don't want to... hurt myself or do anything intense - but if anything were to happen, I'd be more relieved than afraid. I don't... love myself to value existence. There's nothing happening inside, and it's... it's sad."

Minho nodded again. "I'm a realistic guy, and... to be honest, I understand why you feel this way. Life is unfulfilling, and to realise that is terrible. Humans have adapted to gaslighting themselves into thinking that life is worth living. The truth of the matter is that life is a cycle of feeding into capitalism. There's no happiness, and I understand that."

Jisung looked at Minho with widened eyes. He watched as Minho walked to him, sitting on the carpeted floor across from him. Minho was smiling, causing Jisung to frown slightly.

"The way I deal with such an unfulfilling existence is to... ignore it," Minho shrugged. "I've become too pompous for life. I've done everything as I want. My reason for living is because I've made this unfulfilling existence in the first place. The fact that I'm here - breathing, existing, experiencing things - is what is keeping me alive. I don't appreciate it, but... allow living to occur. Don't get me wrong, I get fed up and disappointed as well, but it never really gets me down because I've become strong enough to pick myself up."

Jisung chuckled weakly, wiping his eyes. "Wish I had that courage."

"My coping mechanism is literally nihilism - don't listen to me," Minho laughed slightly. "I've become too good at not caring about nuances. When it comes to trivial worries, literally ignoring that they existence is how I deal with them. 'Oh, I felt really upset about that event that just happened'. 'Oh, have you ever tried not caring?'. Boom, problem averted."

Jisung stared in amazement at the other, shocked that Minho could simply deal with problems that way. "You're..."

"Amazing? I know." Minho stood up from the carpeted ground, patting his butt just in case of dust. "The thing is, I suspected that you might have depression and wanted to passively help you. But now that you've told me, I can openly help you. And no, I don't mind at all whatsoever, so don't overthink it."

"You don't need to hel-"

"Hey. I said to not overthink it." Minho stopped in his kitchen, leaning over the counter. "Being alone is nice. It's nice to just... be alone with your thoughts and appreciate silence for what it is. However, those quiet moments resulted in harmful moments with yourself. Overthinking existence and realising how useless it is to be alive is... dangerous. It's best not to think about it. I'm going to fill your mind with other thoughts so that you'll never think about wanting to rid yourself ever again."

"You really have no filter, huh?"

"Trigger warnings are stupid - if something I said offended or triggered you, then don't interact with my area," Minho shrugged. "Insensitive approaches to things are needed. Don't worry, I consider myself to be very considerate, but I know when someone can tolerate harsher speech. You seem stronger than most, and I think that's a good starting point. Wanna stay over for dinner? Takeout is bad for you."

•

"I said don't mention it, Jisung."

Jisung couldn't meet eyes with Minho. The buzzing of the fridge was the only thing accompanying their silent moment. Jisung didn't know what to say, holding the warm mug of instant coffee in his hands. "You're just... really nice."

"Yeah - but no one needs to know that, okay? Just... don't mention it, let me be nice in the shadows," Minho muttered. "You're welcome to stay the night if it makes you feel like someone is close by."

"No, I'll... head home soon," Jisung answered with a low voice. "I, uhm... have things to do. Streaming. I haven't done it in a while, so I'll have to go back on schedule. I'm fine for tonight, don't worry. I'll be fine."

"I trust you," Minho assured, earning a small smile from the other, "but... I'm overlooking my better judgement and just keeping an eye on you tonight. You came home crying, after all. Just let me care for you tonight."

"I literally live next door, though..."

"Lucky for you, I'm stubborn as hell, so good luck trying to get out of my eyes," Minho said, sitting on his bed with a little smirk. "Come on, you need one night of upliftment. You don't need to stream tonight. Maybe tomorrow, you'll feel a bit better than what you did today. If anything, I don't want you to stream tonight. Take a break for yourself."

Jisung stared at him in a moment of uncertainty, not sure what to say. He simply nodded, hands fiddling with one another nervously. "F... fine. I'll stay."