No Rest for the Wicked | | E. Buckley

10

Steve helps Buck calm down. After a while, Buck regains his composure while sitting on the bed. He puts his head in his hands reciting a trick to breathing normally he learned. In 1, 2, 3, 4. Out 1, 2, 3, 4.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. He says it over and over, his eye dimming in the lighting.

Steve pats his back consoling him from the side. "Don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. Talk to me, what's going on?"

"I-I can't. I don't want to fuck up again. I'm just going to mess up. I—"

"Easy, easy, calm down. Breathe for me, Evan."

The name seems foreign to him. It doesn't seem right. After all, Maddie is the only one who calls him that. Somehow it feels okay coming from Steve.

Buck didn't get his nickname until the fire academy. In the SEALs, he was always known as Evan or Buckley. That or in T.K's case he loved to call him "Mischief." He was always getting in trouble going against orders. Steve eased up on him since he resembled himself. The others always called him baby seal despite not being the youngest.

He grasps his heart trying to calm down again. As the hurtful words swarm his mind he can feel a headache come on. He reaches for his temples rubbing small circles.

Steve stands up leaving the room. The voices in Buck's head get progressively louder haunting him no matter where he looks. It's like living in an endless nightmare.

Steve returns with the others each either standing or sitting in front of him. The bags under his eyes confirm he hasn't been getting sleep. His bloodshot eyes say he's been crying a lot. The bruises tell a different story.

"Let's start with something small. Buck, what happened to your wrist?"

His eyes widen, horrified that he saw that. Steve cocks his head to the side visually inspecting the young man.

"I-I... it's nothing. A clumsy mistake is all..."

"Okay, how did that happen?"

He fidgets on the bed not wanting to say. He takes a breath going against what his mind tells him. "I fell in-into Eddie."

Steve bites his tongue holding back his anger. Slowly he outstretched his arm slowly taking Buck's arm. He rolls up the sleeve of the black, skintight shirt. There it shows, a bruise on his wrist. Feeling his wrist Buck flinches pulling his arm back.

"Your wrist is sprained. I don't think that happened just by running into Eddie. What happened afterward?"

He licks his lips looking away from Steve. "He didn't like it. It's been tense since the lawsuit. I'm sure he didn't mean to."

"What did he do, Buck?" Asks Jason.

"He grabbed my wrist and moved me out of his way."

"Buck..." T.K pulls his arm out in front of him making him look at the bruise. "That wasn't an accident. This bruise is a result of extreme pressure. This sprain is caused by wrong movement. Please don't lie, what happened?"

Buck stays quiet looking at all of them. "I-I didn't lie. I did fall into him."

"Then what did he really do? This isn't right, Buck, I know you know that," says Jay.

"We fell, and I landed on him. H-he took me by the wrist, twisted it, and pushed me off h-him. He held on hard. But it was an accident! He's family, he wouldn't do that."

Jay shakes his head, "it was intentional, Buck. The bruise on your shoulder, I've seen it. Was that an accident too?"

He remembers that day clearly. The b-shift had just gotten in from a call. It was almost time for Buck to leave and he was grateful for that. Buck was mopping the floors as a part of the cleaning routine Bobby set up for him. One of the men tipped over the mop bucket. He slipped in the spilled water ramming his shoulder into the fire truck. He held it for a minute groaning at the pain spreading through his shoulder. Bobby chastised him for not getting the work down. He then stood up and walked off the minor injury. He remapped and then went home.