Same Game: Different Devils - Katya Zamolodchikova x Reader

Chapter Twelve

"Are you ok, out here?" Brian asked, tilting his head at you. You were still getting used to seeing him with a beard, but you had nothing against it.

You nodded, puffing a thick cloud of smoke from between your lips. Your arms crossed over your chest as Brian took his place next to you - a spot he had always fit perfectly in. It felt very nostalgic to be smoking with him again, all of your senses being sent back to a familiar time out on the balcony of your apartment.

"Don't jump, girl. It's not worth it." A crackly voice said from the doorway. You looked over to see Brian sleepily poking his head out, only wearing his shorts and white socks. Despite his joke, he had a solemn look on his face with the smallest hint of a smile.

"Good morning." You smiled weakly, exhaling a cloud of smoke in the queens direction. His lips twitched before he nodded politely and joined you outside, sitting down across from you and stealing one of your cigarettes. "Those things aren't cheap. Smoke it to the filter, bitch." You hummed groggily. Brian agreeing with a small tip of his head and a hand gesture.

You shook yourself back to reality, squinting as you looked back to Brian. "I'm fine." You stated quickly. Brian's lips pulled into a tight lipped, almost confused smirk. That familiarity of the whole situation was sickening.

"How many times have we done this back and forth? Neither of us are ever fine Marie." Brian scoffed out a gentle laugh, flashing his pearly whites as his lips pulled into a smile. Your brows knitted together, you knew he was right.

You were sure the both of you had to have learned to better your communication skills at least somewhat in rehab so maybe it was time to put them to use. "This is weird." You huffed out playfully. You weren't necessarily happy about the situation, but you couldn't help laughing at yourself.

Brian smirked, tilting his head slightly to the side. "What? The beard? Do I look too much like a man now?" He teased, bringing his hand up to scratch at the dirty blonde hair on his chin.

You rolled your eyes, taking another puff of your cigarette as Brian began to light one of his own. "No! It's just that we are the same as individuals, no matter how much we've tried to improve ourselves-" you began gesturing with your hands, leaving your smoke pinched between your lips. "But we operate separately now. We're not together anymore. I don't know how to just hangout with you and act like we didn't have what we had. Plus your relationship with the group is strained- let's not pretend like it isn't. Trixie was terrified to see you today, we all were surprised to hear you even wanted to see us. It's weird to be in the same place with the same people, but not knowing how to act. - I don't know where I fit." You explained, allowing your shoulders to fall defeatedly after you reached the end.

Brian nodded slowly, carefully processing every word you had just told him. "Clearly we're not the same people." He spoke carefully, breaking out into a small grin. You moved to protest but he was quick to intervene. "What you just did right there- that was communication mama, don't pretend like we ever did that shit before."

You hummed in agreement, watching as Brian took a dramatic drag of his cigarette. "I suppose, but that doesn't change the fact that I felt incredibly overwhelmed when you stepped into that room, and you have never made me feel anything but happy." Your throat felt tight, like you're words were trying to choke you as they crept up through your throat.

"I don't know where I fit in the group because I don't know if I can be around you." You stated, averting your eyes back towards the street. There was no point in hiding this fact from Brian, you knew better than to hide from him at this point in your relationship.

Brian sighed and you could feel his eyes on the side of your face, but you didn't bother look back at him. You didn't want to look into his eyes and remember the love you had for him, you needed to close the door of your life which was so heavily associated with him.