𝘈 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 - 𝘛𝘢𝘺𝘭𝘰𝘳 𝘚𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘴

I Almost Do

I wake up, as he was about to tell me he loved me, again. Why do I always wake up when he's about to say that? Maybe cause I know, deep down, that it isn't real. None of it is real. I should know by now.

He hasn't called, I mean maybe two or three times, four maybe, but I was too scared to even think about picking up. Cause I knew that if I was to hear his voice, or his voice saying my name, I would've lost it, cause I'm scared. Scared that if I get attached to him again, not that I stopped, then he'll go away again, that he'll leave again.

I'm a mess I know. So instead of calling him, or picking up when he calls, and telling him that I still love him, that I never stopped, that I've already forgiven him, that I'm ready to try again, I don't. I don't do anything. I just lie in my cold, lonely bed and I wait for sleep to come knocking at my door, and then I have these beautiful dreams, in which he's touching my face and telling me he's sorry, and he's asking me to try again.

I just hope that he hasn't forgotten me yet, that he will never forget me. That sometimes, when he's sitting there by the window, looking down at the cars running on the streets of this busy city we live in, he thinks of me. And maybe regrets a little bit. Regrets everything. Falling in love with me, and then cheating, and then regretting doing it.

I was still a child after all. A wide eyed child, who wanted to see the world and trusted anybody, in a heartbeat.

I don't think I've changed, knowing me. Actually I don't really recognise myself these days. But knowing me, I know I'm still naive, I'm still too, soft? Good, maybe? I gave him my all, my everything. I really thought he was the one.

Phone ringing, it's him.

I swear to god all I want to do is to run into your arms and feel safe again, and to start everything for the beginning, and to trust you again.

And I swear I almost do.