Puppets and Puppeteers

Chapter VI - Bed Talk

"Is everything okay?", Astrea asked as I got myself to bed.

We already got used to being together and sleeping together. We were already part of each other's routine and were recognizing little by little our small habits. She no longer asked me if I needed help getting to bed. She said I was too stubborn, but she understood. Back with my family, they would never pay much attention to me, especially after I came back from war. Hence, I had to adapt and learn how to do everything by myself. And, under the eyes of pity all the servants gave me, I couldn't do much but react trying my best to prove I was not an invalid. Astrea never looked at me like that: when we trained, she treated me as a master; when she introduced me to someone, she talked proudly. But I still felt so far from her.

"It's nothing. Don't worry". No matter how well she treated me, I still felt as a hindrance and an embarrassment.

"Why do you always say that? You know that saying don't worry only makes people worry even more? If you don't want me to worry, just say what's making you look like a lost puppy."

The way she was always straightforward about everything made her someone easy to talk to, even about private matters. That helped us to grow close even in such a short time. I laid in the bed next to her and put my head on her lap. This was something I strangely got comfortable with doing promptly. Although my injury was already over two years old, there were days in which the pain in my back grew insufferable. She would lay me in bed and massage my back and legs with medicinal oils and creams. After that, she would place my head in her lap and caress my hair. One day, the pain was even stronger, and I passed out with tears in my eyes in the library. She carried me to our room and cared for me until I woke up. I felt like a child throwing a tantrum, but when I opened my eyes, with my head in her lap, I realized she was crying too.

"Why are you crying?", I asked her, still half-asleep. I tried to dry her tears, but as soon as my hand touched her cheek, she held it between her own hands and let her tears roll free.

"No one should ever suffer alone. Imagine if I didn't go to the library, how long you would have stayed there, alone. When you are not feeling well, you must tell me. No matter if it's just a small inconvenience, I want to know. You need to learn that you are not alone. If something like this happens again, I swear I'll kill you". As she threatened me, she held my hand stronger. I couldn't refrain myself from smiling. We barely knew each other, and everything was rushed. However, I felt close to her in a way I never expected from anyone.

"What are you thinking about?", she drove my attention back to the present.

"That you are right. I should tell you things".

"Great. That means I won't have to treat you like a kid next time. You are a grown up: communicate your feelings!".

"Okay". I laughed.

"Then why were you sad today?"

"I think I felt... envy. Those people, they treat you like family".

"Yeah... I've known them since I was like seven or so".

"That sounds nice".

"I wasn't close to my biological family, and auntie likes to travel a lot. We would always stay with her friends, and their families. I spent more time with them than with my father and siblings. And since I was young, they always took care of me. But that made them forever treat me like a child".

"That means you know a lot and care about each other".

"That's what you're envious about? Because we have a close relation, and they know a lot about me?"

"Possibly. My family and I were also distant, and I don't miss them. If I must think about it, the close to that filial relationship that I had was back in the military".