Puppets and Puppeteers

Chapter X - Past, present and future

Astrea was sitting in bed petting a little golden owl. The eggs hatched a little before Wa Yuexi left. She gave us a schedule of training for the birds, but Astri would rather keep them by her side and spoil them as pets. I rolled the chair next to the bed and for a while I just observed her. My bird was on a perch sleeping, while hers was there enjoying being caressed. I looked at her belly, four months pregnant. It was a safer period. She no longer had morning sickness and it was safer to move around – not like she listened to us before when we asked her to stay quiet. Last time, the doctor let me listen to the baby's heartbeat. Would she spoil our child as she spoiled her pet bird? Maybe she would be even worse once the baby was born. She would give them lots of candy, let them roam around the property causing chaos and if they did something wrong, she would forgive them because they were her precious baby. Or maybe she would make them train every day and turn them into a worse beast than me and her together. The bird flew and joined the other in the perch. "How long will you stay there looking at me. I don't think I'm that beautiful". She said laughing at me. "You are more than beautiful. If you were just beautiful, I wouldn't stay here admiring you. You're fantastic, more than anything I've ever seen. I could stay here for hours mesmerized, thinking about the infinite ways you are amazing". "That was so sweet, I think I'll need a pile of salt after it". "Is there an ounce of romanticism in you?". "I don't think so". I got by her side in bed and hugged her. She hugged me back and laid her head on my shoulder. I caressed her hair and felt her breathing. With my arm on her back, I felt her body move. It was a calming sensation, just staying by her side. "Your brother is arriving tomorrow". She said. "Yes". "Are you okay?" "I don't know. I barely know anything about him. He is ten years older than me; when I was six, he left to study; when I left for the army, he hasn't come back. We have no memories together. Everyone says he is much different from Attiko, and from my vague memories from my childhood and the times I met him at balls, I believe that might be true. However, all I know about him is either superficial or second-hand knowledge. Either way, he might be a completely different person from the image I have of him". The fact that I knew nothing of him and that he was coming to my house for reasons that I didn't know, scared me. He could be doing this to hurt us, but I wouldn't know until they got here. "We shall wait until tomorrow. Just wait and see". She said and kissed me. "Now, just sleep. We will deal with that when the time comes". With her hugging me tightly, we fell asleep, waiting for tomorrow. *** A little after 10 a.m., a small coach arrived. It was poorly decorated, more fit for a merchant than a prince. It was probably a rental, and three men were riding it: Andrian, Ethan and Auryn. They were all dressed similarly, in simple clothes. "They believed they were transporting a professor and his assistants. No one knows I'm here". These were the first words my brother said to me. No salutations, just this. "Your highness, you must be hungry". Astrea said, noticing that I was lost in the situation. "Yes, it was a long journey. If possible, may I ask for a private room? There is too much to discuss, and I wish to do this as soon as possible". Naava served our lunch and checked the room and the rooms next – we have been doing this since the incident with Chara. With only the five of us in the room, Andrian stood with his companions and introduced them. "I'll be brief. May I introduce to you my son, Ethan, and my husband, Auryn". He just said that, with a smile on his face. No more about that after it. While we ate, he just talked about his research and their lives in a little cabin in the woods. Normal family talk. After lunch, he asked if his son and husband could look around while we had a talk in private. "Thank you for this. I didn't want to talk about this in front of them. It could bring back some terrible memories". He said, teacup in hand. "You know, when I saw your spies near my house, I knew that someone finally figured out everything. I need to commend your people; father tried to keep an eye on me, but the people he sent were terrible. They couldn't do a tenth of what those kids did. It took me weeks to even notice then, although I felt something was wrong for a while. You see, I've been keeping this happy family of mine a secret for a long time. And I wish to keep it that way. Father would never accept them, and he would do his best to destroy everything". "But you decided to come talk to me, why? Why come all the way putting everything in danger?" I asked. "Well, when I found out that someone found us, I was scared. Scared that I... We would lose everything we took years to build. Auryn went through hell, and it was hard for me to take him out of that hole. Still, I'm always afraid that something will happen, and he will get back in that hole. But when I figured out that it was you, I thought that maybe, just maybe, you could understand us. Because it's you, you might see us not as an anomaly, something bizarre that belongs in a circus. Because it's you, you might see how wonderful this family is". He knows, I thought. It's not like I tried to keep my past a secret, or like I was ashamed of it. For a long time, I didn't worry about how people saw me, what people thought of me, or which rumors they spread about me. But now, things were different. I have people, and a future, to protect. I looked at Astrea, and she didn't seem troubled by his words. When she caught me looking at her, she held my hand firmly. "Before I tell my story, I'll ask you to keep this a secret. Please, don't ruin this family". "We promise", Astrea answered in my stead. "Thank you", Andrian bowed his head. "You probably found out about the sex-slaves the King keeps in the palace. Those young boys used to live in the northern palace, where they were fed and cleaned with the only objective of being explored later by the royal family. I don't know where they keep them now, as I imagine they tried to hide them better since the fire. When I was thirteen, the king gave me a boy as a present. He told me I should grow some balls and start to act like a real man. That I was a weakling underserving my title. The kid was malnourished and scared. He was nine years old and couldn't understand what he was doing there. He was sent to the northern palace when he was five, and barely remembered the world outside. I asked myself how the King could toss this kid in my bed and tell me to violate him. While looking at him, that little boy who had no idea why he was there, I could only think about how terrible our Kingdom, and our King, were. I talked to him for a while, he told me about how their caretakers tortured them in ways that didn't leave marks. All so that they would stay beautiful. He told me about the man who came to cut the balls of the older kids. About the bad words they had to listen to every day. He spoke as if that was normal, because that was the only world he knew. When he left, I told father that I liked that boy, and asked if I could make him mine. That he was my prey, and I didn't want anyone else touching him. He praised me for my manly behavior. That was the only time he praised me. "When I turned sixteen, I was invited to the academy. I knew I couldn't leave him alone, so I pretended to kill him in a fit of rage and dispose of the body. They told me that I've grown too much attached to that whore, and he could just give me a new one when I got back. I hid him as a butler and took him to the academy with me. I got some money and arranged his fake papers, gave him a name and surname, Auryn Rhys. And that's how we met. With time, we grew together and fell in love. Legally, we can't get married; nevertheless, we have been together for twenty-six years, going through the bad and good in life. Can you think of any couples who could say the same?" "And the kid?", I asked. "I went back home to solve some minor issues. While visiting one of the orphanages around the city, I found some of the dealers from the royal family. I bribed them to buy back the kids they were taking. I don't even remember the cover story I used, but it was a bad one. Anyway, one of the kids was just two years old. He could barely speak, and they wanted to raise him to be a sex-slave. How could anyone think that is right? I sent most of the kids to a safe house I created near Hodža, and took the baby with me. Auryn criticized me a lot. I thought he would make my ear fall, but, in the end, he accepted, and we have been raising Ethan together for thirteen years. No matter how you look at it, I created a much better family than father could ever give me. That is what I'm asking you not to ruin. Don't let this horrible past be dragged back, and don't use it to hurt them". "I guess, then, that you'd not testify about this". I don't want to hurt him, or these people. If what he says is true, I will destroy everything if I use him. "I can't. But I might have enough evidence, at least, to make the right people believe in it. I have been tracking the dealers they use to gather the kids for over eighteen years. I have a lot of papers that can't be traced back to me. If you can stop them, or even hurt those bastards, I'll give it all to you". He smiled again. "The classes at Hodžic are suspended. I believe we can stay here for a short vacation. Let's say, one or two weeks? Is that enough for you to plan how to destroy them?" "And why would we want to destroy them?" I asked, though I already knew the answer. "I might not know everything that happened, but I know how much potential you have. Our family is full of greedy and power-craze people. They don't know how to use the power for anything but themselves. You are different, because you know what it is like to be powerless. The abandoned prince, the survivor warrior, the general of the bloodiest wars. You saw the worst part of humanities and got back with most of your sanity. All the generals of this country started as low-ranked officials. You started as a common soldier. Because you chose the way of the people. I don't want the throne, because I don't know what I will do with it. I'm not a leader, I'm a follower. If you want to be king, I'll help make you king. I don't have much, I'm the loser in everyone's eyes. But if these papers can help you take them down, I'll give them to you. That is, if you want to take them down". "Well... We will make good use of those papers". I answered. *** Later that evening, me and Astrea sat in the library together. At dinner, Astrea dealt with everything without problems, I didn't feel any bad feeling from her towards Andrin and his family. Maybe she didn't feel disgusted looking at his family, maybe she accepted them. "You don't think it is strange?", I asked her. "What?", she asked without taking her eyes from the book. "Andrin and Auryn. Two men in a couple and raising a teenager". "Why should I think that is strange? They are two people that love each other and raised a kid with all the love they could give. That is much more than you could ask from most of the families in this country, including ours. If we could raise our kid in such a happy environment, that would be good enough". She answered. "Even though they are two men?" She raised the eyes from the book and looked at me. "The only person I see here who has some problem with it is you. I never thought you were such a hateful person". She said, her eyebrows raised. "I'm not", I said, laughing nervously. Every day I found out my wife was more wonderful than I thought she was. I got closer to her and held her hand. "Can we talk for a while". "Sure". I got out of my chair and sat with her on the sofa. Her hand holding mine and her eyes staring at me intently. In my head, a thought of a thousand ways to start this conversation, but I couldn't open my mouth. She waited for me, her hand gently caressing mine. After a few minutes, I felt ready to talk. "I went to the army before I even hit my teens; they were my whole universe. All that I knew were the people there, and I own to every single one of them the chance of being here now. I don't want you to change your view of them because of my words. If you despise me at the end of this, I will understand. But, because it's you, I hope it won't change how I feel". She hugged my arm and whispered. "Don't worry. The person you are now is because of who you were, so nothing could have happened that would make me despise you". After saying that, she distanced herself a little, allowing me some space to breathe. She probably noticed my hands trembling, and my breathing getting heavier with every syllable. I could keep myself together in the worst situations, but right now everything felt so hard. "In the military, we knew that every battle could be our last; we were always losing people important to us. Our clothes were stained with so much blood, and we didn't know whose blood it was. Sometimes it was a comrade, sometimes the enemy and sometimes our own. Still, we had to wear those clothes because they were the only ones we had. Every moment, it was like losing my mind. Still, in those moments of darkness, people came to help you. People you love, and who you wish to keep with you. But war has a terrible way of waking us up from this dreams. "There was a man I loved. He was two years older than me, and we met at the battle of Fidoff. His name was Heinrich, and he was a commoner and couldn't ever become an official. However, he was strong and smart, he could defeat thirty enemies with a single spell. I was just nominated a Colonel and saw his potential; although not officially, I made him my right-hand. But we became closer, and my admiration grew into something else. He protected me and kept me company; in the moments I felt like giving up on everything, he was the light that kept me going". I was afraid of talking about this. Using another man of a lower birth for sex was something; it wasn't publicly accepted, but many nobles did it behind closed doors. But loving another man, a commoner, was a moral fault, something despicable that would make you a social pariah. That's why Andrian was so afraid of people finding it, and why he knew I would understand. But, as I said it, Astrea held my hand and caressed it. "We had wonderful nights together. As I rose through the army echelons, he was by my side. In every war, he would fight with me". Before I noticed, I started to cry. I knew where this story ended. Astrea hugged me and whispered in my ear. "It's okay, you don't have to hurry to tell me anything. I'll wait". We stayed hugging for a few minutes. I felt the tears falling and wetting my face. I don't remember crying about this before. "I need to tell you this now. I don't think I'll have the strength to do this later". "Alright". She got up and brought me a glass of water. "But if you need to stop, just do it. I'll wait". "Thanks". I said and went back to telling the story. "I was nominated the Tiger General, but many people didn't like it. Even now, I'm not certain of what happened, I only remember how many of our soldiers we lost that day. I've never seen that much blood. We were in the frontier of Thíva, and the battle was on its eighth day. Everyone was tired and hoping for it to end. We received some information from the central, and we moved according to it. I blame myself for not checking it twice, or for not preparing it well. But I can't go back in time. The information was fake, and we were caught in a trap. My battalion was decimated; I remember seeing members flying because of a bomb, and blood raining over us. The enemy used venom to paralyze the soldiers, who died an excruciating death while seeing everything and not being able to do anything. I was one of those. An arrow drenched in a magical type of aconitum hit the base of my spine. I would have died right there if Heinrich haven't saved me. He carried me for over three miles. I yelled at him, told him that he should have let me die along with everyone else. We stayed in a cave for two days, all the while I argued with him about saving me. While he held me and tended to my wounds, I cursed him. Heindrich comforted me and said everything would be alright. On the morning of the third day, a rescue team found us. But Heindrich was already dead. He carried me and took care of me while dying of blood loss. He told me everything would be okay, but he knew he wouldn't survive. I tried to get up and carry back his body, but my legs wouldn't work. That day, I lost everything. I lost my companions, my post and, the most important, my love. "When I got back, they dropped on me the fault for surviving while everyone died. The fault for using wrong information. I was deposed from my position as the Second General and sent back to the palace. There, they kept me in a small room that was barely used, because most nobles thought it was demeaning to stay in such a poorly made and small room. The maids would come thrice a day to bring me meals, otherwise they would just ignore me. I couldn't even get out of bed without having to crawl around to move. It took them three months to give me a f*cking chair. In the meanwhile, my companions were buried and the investigation into the fake information was archived. I lost everything and never knew why. I saw the person I loved the most slowly dying and never got the chance to question the ones responsible". I felt new tears rolling down my cheeks. Why am I crying so much? It's not like I never thought of it, but I guess I never talked about this out loud. Astrea dried my tears and hugged me. "Thank you for trusting me". She said and smiled, holding my hands and caressing them. "I know it must be hard remembering all this. I don't know how to heal the wounds they left on you, but I will try. I'll try to find the information you never got access to, and to punish the ones who caused all this damage. I will do whatever I can to help you. You just need to tell me what you want, and I'll get it for you". We stayed there for a while, together. As I hugged her, I felt her breathing. When I lost Heinrich, I thought I'd never love someone else. But I did. I loved her and I desired her. I pushed her away so that I could look at her face to face. Her beautiful eyes and her black hair that contrasted against her pearl white skin. I kissed her, her wonderful lips brushing against mine and her breathing going louder. She climbed into my lap, and I could feel her body moving and mine moving too. As I undid the laces on her clothes, I understood how much she trusted me and I her. How much I wanted her. I wanted her in my life, and to build a life with her. I wanted to have kids with her, and to plan our futures together. As I finished undoing her clothes and she let her skirt fall, I saw her silhouette and felt in awe. "Beautiful", I exclaimed. She laughed. Rapidly, she took away my clothes and looked at me. "You're beautiful", she said and kissed my chest. "From the first time I looked at you I thought you were the most handsome person I saw. I wanted to have you, to make you mine". "I'm yours". "And I'm yours. Be it here, or out there. The more I know about you, the more I want to keep you by my side. And I'll be by your side. Whatever you're planning, I will help you. Because it's you", she kissed me again, next to my belly button. "The person I cherish and care for, that I'll follow until the end of the world". I sat up and grabbed her head, making her look at me. I kissed her. "You don't need to follow me, because I'll always be by your side". I kissed her chin, her neck and her chest. I put her in my lap again, so I could hold her closely and touch every inch of her body. She put her legs around me, making it impossible to escape her embrace. And even if I could, I wouldn't. This was the exact place I wanted to be, and the first trimester dry made me terribly hungry.