Bilbo Baggins Will Destroy the Ring and Find His Husband Again!

Bilbo Gets His Ear Chewed Off But It's Totally Worth It

Bilbo snuck through Gollum's cave and waited for the little beast to arrive. Fin and Lobelia were distracting the goblins by setting off fireworks. They had agreed to meet on the other side of the mountain. He felt relieved that Glorfindel went with Lobelia. She would keep him safe. He had seen her split a cow in half.
"What is it, precious?" A voice that haunted his dreams hissed out and Bilbo waited for the hobbit to appear. It had taken him hours of searching before he discovered Gollum's identity. Sméagol was a horror story told to fauntlings about the power of greed. It was the reason they gave presents at their birthday instead of receiving them.
"Sméagol! I've come to play with you. Come out." The former hobbit gave a shriek.
"We don'ts knows it! Who is you?" He was just as Bilbo remembered, except now he could see the hobbit he had been. His pointed ears and large feet gave it away, even though he was skin and bones.
"My name is Bilbo and I've come to steal your precious." Gollum reacted the way he thought he would. He launched himself at him and they fell to the ground in a heap. They fought back and forth for what seemed like hours but was probably only minutes. He felt Gollum tear a chunk of his ear off and hissed in pain. He finally got the dagger out and slashed forward. He made contact and Gollum gave a howl.
"It burns us, yes it does!" Bilbo tightened his grip and kept stabbing. Gollum would not be coming out of this alive, not this time. He pushed the limp body off of him and heard a clink as something fell on the floor. The One Ring lay at his feet, begging him to pick it up. He grabbed a handkerchief out of his pocket and wrapped it around the foul thing. He did that three times before stuffing it in a bag around his neck. The call was muffled but he could hear it in the back of his mind. It was promising him everything he wanted.
"We could find Thorin. He would be ours and no one would take him from us. We would make sure of it." He pushed those nasty thoughts away and gently touched his ear. Yavanna! Half of the point was missing. He gave Gollum a kick and left his nasty cave.
"If I ever see this place again, I'm just going to let the little creep kill me." He stumbled through the tunnels until he saw the same crack as before. Sunlight filtered through and he basked in the warmth. Hobbits need sun to survive just like plants they tended.
"Bilbo! What happened? Are you okay?" Fin bandaged his ear and he explained what happened.
"You should've bit his ear off, Bilbo! An eye for an eye!" He gave her a wary look. Perhaps he should be worried.
"We need to get going. It will take us months to walk to Mordor." Both hobbits burst out laughing, much to Fin's confusion.
"We're not walking to Mordor! Are you crazy? It would take forever!" He looked them over and asked "then how are we getting there?" An bird call answered his question and a giant eagle landed a few feet from them.
"Hello Gwaihir! Thank you for agreeing to take us to Mordor!" The eagle gave a screech in answer.
"Bilbo, how'd you contact them?" Fin looked flabbergasted as the appearance of the giant bird.
"I gave a letter to a raven and asked him to pass it on." He wasn't sure it would work but was grateful it did. They piled on top of the great eagle and set off. It seemed like they had been flying for years when the vile peaks of Mount Doom was in sight. He was relieved. He could only play so many games of eye spy before he wanted to throw himself off their eagle friend. The orcs below didn't notice their descent and Gwaihir dropped them off.
"It was nice knowing you! Please remember us fondly." The eagle flew off and he stood straight.
"Alright my friends, let's go rid the land of evil." They had to walk up the slope and each step felt like a weight was being added to his back. It seemed the ring had caught on to his plan and did not want to be destroyed. They finally reached the top and Bilbo wiped his face.
"You can do it, Bilbo!" Lobelia chanted and he took his bag off.
"We could rule together, Bilbo! I've seen what's in your heart. You want the dwarf, I can give him to you!" Bilbo curled his fingers around the ring and threw it over the edge.
"Fuck you!" He screamed as it fell into the fires.
"Oh thank Yavanna. I was about to push you in." Lobelia sighed and hugged him close. Fin joined them and they basked in the moment. That was when the volcano decided to erupt.
Bilbo panted as he cut down another orc. He looked back and saw the lava coming up behind them.
"Uh you see that too right?" Lin was slicing through orcs like butter, his hair glistening in the wind. Bilbo would have to get his hair routine before they died.
"Let's just dodge them and keep running!" Lobelia cleaved an orc in half and they sprinted down the mountain.
"We just have to out run them and the lava should do the rest." He wheezed out and Lobelia laughed. They finally reached the bottom and he skidded to a stop.
"You have got to be kidding me!" A giant spider blocked their path.
"What have you done? My food is getting burnt!" She screamed and crawled towards them. Bilbo hated spiders!
"Gross gross gross! Someone get it." He would rather get killed by the lava coming towards them. A screech broke through and Gwaihir dove forward. He picked the spider lady up with his claws and flung her into the lava.
"Gwaihir, you came back for us!" The eagle quickly landed and they scrambled on. As they flew away, Bilbo flipped the remaining orcs off.
"Suck on that!" He laid down on his feathery friend and breathed heavily.
"I can't believe we're not dead." He watched Lobelia wipe her axes off.
"I know! Can you see ma's reaction once we get home? She's going to be foaming at the mouth!" Bilbo laughed brightly.
"My parents are going to tan my hide. I won't be able to sit for a week!" He couldn't help but cast his eyes towards the Lonely Mountain. He had heard from the Men in the next town over that Erebor had fought off Smaug. The Desolation didn't happen so there would be no quest or Company. He would have no chance of seeing Thorin again. He was probably already married. Ignoring the pain in his heart, he dozed off. He never saw the look Glorfindel and Lobelia shared or Gwaihir turning West towards Greenwood.