How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight. . .
. . . when setting you free and letting you fly. I love you when in the sky of another you want to exist and...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
V. If I Have Only You
WHILE I HEATED the kettle, Leslie was telling Bennie that she changed her major from Chemistry Studies to Linguistics.
“I just had to do it,” she said. “I see your brother all the time and I couldn’t help but feel worthless each time.”
“No, Leslie—”
“I failed to understand his sorrow.”
Bennie had nothing to say to that.
My brother broke up with Leslie three months after Joseph’s death.
They were in his room, and the family was downstairs doing our own thing. But we could hear them loud and clear. Either the window of Dominick’s room was open or they were screaming at each other. He was crying, she was trying to cheer him up.
"Let's break up."
All of us had stopped what we were doing and stared at the ceiling. There was silence for a minute or two then Leslie asked him why.
"Can't you be that person who'll just say okay? Don't ask why. Don't beg me to consider it a second time. Don't convince me to stay."
But she asked him why a second time.
A sound of throwing and ripping mixed with my brother’s sobs filled the air next. Mother had stood to probably go up and check on them, but Father held her hand and shook his head.
"Because you don't understand me although you're saying you do! Joseph is dead. My only closest friend is dead. My only closest friend whom I’ve run around with and shared my whole life with is dead. I’m in grief, I’m distressed, but what did you do? You tried to cheer me up like you always did before and like what you’re doing now. You tried to help me see the bright side but for heaven's sake I can see the bright side close and clear. You should have cried with me. You should have just mourned with me. I know you want to comfort me when I'm down, but crying with me was a lot better. . . it was way much better. . ."
When Leslie came down and gave us a smile before leaving, Mother broke down.
“He talks to me at school but all I want is to avoid him.” Leslie lifted the cup of rose hips tea I had just put down. She pulled it away slightly as quick as it touched her lips. She blew on it as she looked at Bennie. “I heard he has a girlfriend now.”
“Well, he. . .” Bennie’s eyes travelled to mine.
“Yes, he has,” I confirmed on her behalf. “Her name is Nia. They met last year when we were going to visit Joseph but Dominick stopped midway. Nia’s younger siblings were rolling down the hills and one of them bumped into him. Nia apologized. They exchanged names and numbers. We don’t know when, but Dominick asked her out.”
Bennie forced a laugh.”You didn’t have to tell her all that. Did you think Leslie hadn’t moved on yet—”
“It’s okay.” Leslie smiled. The cup trembled in her hands. “I’ll move on one day. Yes, I’ll get there one day. I must.”
