At all Cost

Chapter 16

"Mama?" gulat, takot at pagtataka ang namutawi sa dibdib ko nang makita ko ang taong inaasam kong makita ngunit malabo nang mangyari. She was there sitting fiercely. Mabilis na umiling iling ako at inalis ang pag asang sumisibol sa dibdib ko. She was dead for almost seven years! How on earth she's alive? Maybe I am just having some hallucinations because I've been missing her.

"Come, have a seat, my daughter." she mumbled menacingly. She even motioned her hand to the couch that is not far from our distance. Even her voice has the same tone and sound like my mother's voice.  Naramdaman ko ang presensya ni Venzon sa likod ngunit hindi ako gumalaw o kumibo. I was staring at her, confused.

Pagak akong natawa pilit na inaalis ang bikig sa lalamunan ko. I can't believe they are using this kind of tactic! I squared my shoulders giving the impostor a fierce look. How dare she copy my mom's identity.

I walked towards the couch not cutting the stares on her.

"You're not my mother, impostor." I shot back with a grim face. I really can't believe they are using my weakness against me! "My mother was dead almost seven years ago. Whoever you are, stop with that shit, you're making me abhor you, miss."

She laughed. Laughed like my mom's laugh whenever she's hearing something sarcasm. She laughed like she's mocking me. Laughed like she's teasing my father. Laugh that I have been wanting to hear every now and then.

"Is that how you talk to your mom after not seeing her for a long time, honey?" she asked in a most unapologetic way. She looked calm and demeanor. The way she put her elbows on the table, crossing her fingers and putting her chin atop her crossed fingers is so damn fine! Kuhang kuha niya ang galaw, ang pananalita, ang tawa, ang boses at kung pano tumingin si mama. She copied it all!

Gusto ko siyang sigawan ngunit pinanatili ko ang sariling maging kalmado sa ganitong sitwasyon. I give her an incredelous stares.

"I am not going to be nice with a person who has no shame of copying someone's identity. I can't believe you are too desperate to get rid of me. Why, are you bothered? Am I really a threat, hmm?" I blatantly said despite my nervousness.

She then let out a dominating laughter again. She has this wicked smile giving me goosebumps. Staring at her made me realize that after all this time, I have never moved on. I thought I am already fine. I thought I already accepted the fact that she was gone.

But heck! The pain, the longingness, the sorrow is still there. I miss her so damn much. The constricting pain in my chest is unbearable. Gusto ko siyang yakapin at sabihing miss na miss ko na siya, na sana totoo ito at hindi pagpapanggap. Gusto ko ulit maramdaman ang yakap ng isang ina. Gusto ko ulit maramdaman ang paghaplos niya sa buhok ko. Gusto ko ulit maramdaman kung pano mahalin ng isang ina.

"Zanaira." napalingon ako kay Venzon na nasa tabi ko na. "Ayos kalang ba?" puno ng pag aalala ang mukha nito. Tumango ako ay hinila ang isa niyang kamay upang kumuha ng lakas. I give him a reassuring smile.

Narinig kong tumikhim ang babaeng nagpapanggap na nanay ko. Lumingon ako sa kanya.

"Is he your boyfriend, Aira?" tuluyan nang tumulo ang luhang kanina pa nagbabadyang tumulo. Sunod sunod ang pagpatak nito. A bittersweet smile formed on my lips as I heard the name that she called me. Siya at si papa lang ang tumatawag sa akin ng ganun.

"Stop! Stop with all your acts! Hindi ikaw ang mama ko, pakiusap itigil mo na ito. Nakikiusap ako sa'yo." I bursted out crying. They did it! They hit the home! Tumayo ako at walang pagdadalawang isip na lumapit sa kanya. Tumutulo narin ang luha nito.

I can't pull my shit together. I can't fucking control my emotions anymore. She just hit something that made me berserk, that made me wanted to cry and let out all the pain that I buried a long long time ago.