"I can't stand being around you, but at the same time, I find myself thanking God everyday for placing you in my life."
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After leaving her family, hometown, and church, Isabella Rose finally feels as if she's living the life she's always wanted to...
"...To give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness..."" Isaiah 61:3 KJV
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Five Years Ago
"Isabella, you know I still love you and I'm always here for you, no matter what."
"Mom, I know.. I just- Tristan made me realize what I've been missing. I still love the church and everything, but I just feel like the world has so much more to offer!"
"I just don't understand where all of this is coming from! I know you can make your own decisions, but I'm not going to sit here and act like I agree with everything."
"And that's your problem, mom! You don't understand me at all, you don't understand how being in love with someone can make you realize everything you've been missing. You don't understand how free I feel now that I'm not stuck with being 'the Christian girl' that everyone loves!" I glance at my mom and notice her trying to fight the tears that are trying to fall from her eyes. "I'm moving in with Tristan, mom."
Her eyes are glistening with tears that have yet to shed. She's trying to stay strong. She doesn't want to present herself as weak.
"I just need to finish packing my bags and he'll be here in a few hours to pick me up. I'm sorry that you're just now having to hear about this, but it's better than me not telling you at all."
After what seems like forever, she finally speaks up. "Nothing I say will stop you, correct?"
I nod my head.
There's nothing she could tell me that would stop me from moving in with Tristan. There's nothing she could tell me that would stop me from drifting away from this life.
Drifting away from God.
Suddenly, she takes a step forward and gives me a hug.
"Let me help you pack your bags. I'll give you and Tristan some money before you leave."
That last sentence causes me to push her off of me. "No, mom. I don't want your pity money. I'm moving on and the last thing I need is for you to place a burden on me. You're struggling enough, I don't need you to make any more stupid decisions."
"Isabella Rose. I'm trying my best to be respectful about this whole entire thing, but you're not going to stand there and disrespect me, your mother. Not only am I doing the right thing because I'm your mother, but I'm doing this because I experienced the same thing you're going through. I know this is the last thing you need to hear, but you know what brought me out of that mess? God. Only Him! The moment I moved in with your father is the moment I decided that I didn't need God anymore. It had to be the silliest decision I've ever made."
She thinks this is all a mistake. She's trying to place guilt on me, she has to be.
"I've been nothing but supportive to you in all that you've done in life. I've had to take on the role of being a mother and father to you and Zion! I will not let you talk down to me and act as if I've done nothing for you. So as much as I disagree with your decision, I am going to continue on with being your mother and I will help you. No matter what you tell me, that won't stop me from loving and praying for you."
She's right. She's an amazing mother and I'm just allowing my feelings to get in the way.
But that doesn't change the fact I want to see what it's like for me to move on.
Honestly, nobody did me wrong. My friends, family, and church has always been with me- I have no reason to be mad at any of them.
But for some reason, I am. Tristan helped me to understand that.
"Prayers can only do but so much, mom." Was all I said before she began to help me finish up with packing.
~~~~~~~~
The doorbell rings and when I go to answer it, Tristan is standing with a big smile on his face. He leans in to give me a kiss on my forehead and then he walks into the house, looking for bags to grab.
My mom stands by the doorframe of my room.
"Good evening Ms. Rose." Tristan greets her with a smile and my mom tries her best to return the gesture. Since the smile was obviously forced, she ended up looking constipated instead.
I point out the bags that need to be put in the trunk of the vehicle and he grabs them, leaving my mom and I inside the house for a short moment.
"I love you baby, I don't ever want you to think otherwise." Mom says with tears threatening to spill out from her eyes.
"I love you too mom." I give her a hug, to which she returns. This embrace is something I wish I never had to give up.
Tristan walks inside the house to let us know that everything was packed and that he was ready to go whenever I am. My eyes make its way over to my mom one last time before we say our final goodbyes and get in the vehicle.
As Tristan is about to pull out of the driveway, my mom rushes outside and runs to the car.
"I'm sorry, but can I pray for y'all before you leave?" She asks us desperately. Tristan looks over to me, as if he's asking me for permission.
After an awkward silence, I nod my head. We step out of the vehicle and grab my mom's hand as she prays over the both of us. My heart warms as I feel a small presence surround me.
The presence of God.
"In Jesus Name, Amen." She finishes up her prayer and we get back in the vehicle.
"I love you, please keep in contact and let me know when you guys make it there safely." My mom says and I nod my head, making a promise to do just that.
But I never did.
I broke my promise to her.
That was the last time I even saw my mom.
That was the last time I ever felt the presence of God so close to me.
~~~~~~~~~~
Don't worry y'all, the mom isn't dead lol.
Anyways, thank you guys so much for reading my first chapter!!
Y'ALL SOME REAL ONES, REALLY.
I'm going to actually try and create a schedule for when I'll be updating, because the way I update my other book is horrendous lol.
Anyways, I love y'all lots.
(Not Edited)
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