In The End (On Hold)

o n e

•song at the side is 'Cancer' by My Chemical Romance
•Posted: July 15, 2015
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o n e

November 20, 2014

Life before Athena, for me, was suck-ish.

I could only remember a certain amount of time before she was part of my life. Before I entered the world of knowing and was in the middle place of wondering.

I was just a guy. Sad, bored, spent most of my day in bed, who liked math facts. Who wanted to die.

Life before Athena, I thought it held no meaning. I thought life was this bag of crap that came with the occasional good times and laughs—but the bag of crap was mostly filled with these emotions such as boredom, sadness, disgust, embarrassment, anger, nervousness.

At that moment: fear.

I lain paralyzed on my bed, under my plain white covers in the night, sweat covered my body and heart beating from it all.

It had been a recurring dream for two months. Same exact thing as always: It always started with the Flashback of the day in the hospital when I got the bad news of the thing I lived with for the next three years after that dreadful day.

Once, I was told everyone had cancer, but it all depended on if their bodies were able to fight the infection off. Yeah, that helped a lot (please notice my sarcasm). The same day, I searched if that was true when I got home. It wasn't. The reason behind the belief is the fact that all persons have cells that have mutant proteins from DNA damage. But I could be wrong.

Back to the topic, the dream always starts with my mom coming into the white, sterile room, eyes watery and sniffles sounding around the room. My dad follows in after her and instantly reaches for her shoulder. Even in my dreams, everything's so vivid. Hands were clammy, my leg began bouncing with impatience and anxiety for myself and my mom, the beat of my heart was prominent in my own ears and I'd wonder if it was too in anyone else's. My breaths were gradually getting deeper and somehow faster.

My doctor that had introduced himself to me earlier that day as Dr. Angus looked at Mom, then at me. He would then proceed to ask me if he can extract a sample of blood for blood work. I was fourteen then, I didn't think when Dr. Angus asked for some blood he wanted to test for cancer. Leukemia. So, I nodded, wondering why he was being so gentle, and put my arm out towards him when I saw he already had the needle in his hand with a long tube at the end of it.

It pricked my skin and it hurt for a second because they kept it in there for more than usual. He put a blue bandage around my elbow on the spot when the blood started oozing out.

The wait in the waiting room was uncomfortably quiet with my mom quiet and my dad staring off into space, and, "What is wrong with them?" was the only thought going through my head.

Dr. Angus would then walk through the door, and I was thankful for the interruption of the deadly silence. God, how I wish I stood with the silent parents.

And then from there, magically, there was another setting. The place was grassy, there was familiar faces, all wearing black. Some people were even crying, like my mom who had a tissue that was unused, and alternatively, to her my dad's shoulder was much more absorbent. Tommy, my brother, sitting on Dad's lap, a bleak face on.