Waiting On A Miracle | Post Malone

1

He had been dreading today.

He had been dreading coming home, dreading what these next few days were representing. But he was really fucking dreading today. Usually coming home to Texas was something he would look forward to, getting to see his extended family and friends. Of course, he was usually coming home under much better circumstances. He had spent the flight trying to psych himself up, mentally prepare himself to say goodbye, but it was the onslaught of questions he was really dreading.

"Hey dad." He pulled Rich in tight as they both let out a heavy sigh. It had been a long fucking time between visits despite the fact his dad lived in the same small town, not 15 minutes down the road.

"Your flight okay?" Rich asked after they finally pulled away from each other. Austin chose not to see the tears that were threatening to overflow from his eyes. Avoidance had become his new super power, ignoring the guilt he felt because of it was something he was still working on.

"Yeah it was fine. When did y'all get in?" Austin followed his dad towards the Raptor that was waiting on the tarmac for them as his crew began loading his bags into the car.

"We got back a few days ago. Been busy trying to get everything in order."

He climbed into the passenger's seat as Rich got in the drivers side. Fuck he wasn't ready for this. He hadn't been home for a while now, far too ashamed to show his face. There was one question burning his mind and he knew that Rich was waiting for it.

"Have um... have you..."

"I have." Rich's voice was low as both men avoided each other's eyes, Austin grateful for not having to utter the rest of the sentence for his dad to understand.

"Is um... is she comin?" He knew the answer, there was never any question.

"What do you think?" Rich punched out as the Raptor roared to life.

***

The drive back to his grandparents' house had been silent. He couldn't blame his dad for not trying to make conversation, he was just about to bury his father and Austin hadn't been the greatest support.

Eighteen months ago he would have been.

Eighteen months ago they both would have been here with Jodie, Rich and the rest of the family sharing every last moment before his grand father passed. He would have helped his dad with the funeral arrangements rather than just trying to ease the burden with his credit card. He would have been here helping to sift through all their belongings as they tidied up the house and got it ready for sale.

Eighteen months ago he was a completely different man. He was a better man, a better son. Today he was just trying to figure out how to get through the next week unnoticed.

"Austin! I was beginning to wonder if you were going to make it!" Jodie pulled him into a warm hug as he followed Rich through the rickety fly screen door into the kitchen.

He had forgotten how small and dilapidated this house was. It had been at least a decade since any real work had been done on it. He should add that to his list of things to feel guilty about later on.

"Hey Jodes, how are ya." His eyes scanned the kitchen, boxes sitting on the counters and on the table that were semi full of carefully wrapped items. Fuck this was going to be harder than he had realised.

"How was your flight hun?" Jodie asked as she went back to carefully wrapping some of his grand parents old glassware in tissue paper.

"It was fine thanks. Looks like y'all been doin a good job here." He sat down at one of the wooden seats at the round dining table he had grown up eating family dinners around, dropping his carry on beside him.

"We're gettin through it slowly." She smiled softly back at him.

"I could have arranged for people to come in..." He started as his eyes roamed over the boxes and tissue paper that were littered over the rest of the house.

"I could have arranged that myself boy." Rich stated as he made his way back from the staircase. "I didn't want a bunch of strangers sifting through my parents' things."

He made a quick mental note, not only was he an asshole but here was something else to feel guilty about.

He caught Jodie's soft smile as she looked at him with tender eyes. He knew he didn't deserve her empathy, he didn't deserve any empathy from them, but that wouldn't stop him from selfishly taking it.

"Mitch and a few of your cousins are goin' out for a few drinks in an hour. You should go along, catch up with them all." Jodie offered as Rich made his way beside her, taking the carefully wrapped glass from her hands and placing it into the box.

"Yeah... maybe..."

"You're gonna have to face them sooner or later Austin. I'd prefer it not to be at the funeral." Rich told him from behind the kitchen counter, passing another piece of tissue paper to his wife.

"Why don't you go shower and change. I'll call Mitch and tell him to come past and pick you up. I mean if that's..." He watched the realisation dawn on her as she suddenly became flustered. Christ he hadn't been here 20 minutes and already people were walking on egg shells around him.

"Yeah Jodie, that's fine. Thanks." He tried to sound more convincing than he felt as he gave her a smile. He grabbed his carry on and began traipsing up the stairs.

Fuck this week.