Waiting On A Miracle | Post Malone

10

"Austin are you sure you've thought this through?" Brooke's concern came through his phone as he began frantically pulling clothes out of his wardrobe, his nerves now well and truly overflowing.

He had bitten the bullet and told her he'd be leaving in the morning. His jet was booked and ready and he was currently trying to pack some clothes, for what he wasn't sure considering he really didn't intend on staying a second longer than he had to.

"It's just a few hours, a quick coffee, I'll be fine." He wasn't sure if his reassurance was more directed at her or himself.

"It's not just coffee Austin, you know that as well as I do." Brooke's scepticism dripped heavily from every word.

His mouth opened to rebuff her comment before falling short. She was right, it wasn't just coffee, it would never be just coffee when it came to Kendra. "I have to go back to LA at some point Brooke." His thumb and forefinger coming up to rub over his temples as he tried not to be swallowed whole by guilt.

"You know full well that's not what I mean Austin. LA is not the problem."

He needed to learn to keep his mouth shut. The reactions he had received from his parents and now from Brooke made him think maybe honesty wasn't always all it was cracked up to be. Maybe it really was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

"I need to know she's okay. After everything that's happened, everything she's been through..." A heavy breath left him as he continued grabbing random shit from his drawers and throwing them towards his duffle bag. "I couldn't live with myself if I didn't make sure she's alright."

"I understand, I do, but I'm worried about you. Are you sure going on your own is a good idea?"

No, he was sure going on his own was a terrible idea, but he wasn't able to see any other choice. The only people who wouldn't have an opinion about this were people on his payroll and he'd really rather not risk any of this being leaked. Rich and Jodie had made their opinions on the issue more than clear and it wasn't like he could fucking take her.

"I'll be fine, I'll only be there for a few hours. I'll be home again before dinner." He sat on the end of his bed, unsure if it was Brooke or himself he was trying to convince. "I'll call, if I'm not okay, I promise I'll call you"

***

"Hi Kendra, Austin, I'm Dr Saunders, how are we today?" The doctor's nose was in their file as she walked into the room. Austin tried not to notice the slight recoil from her as she finally looked up and laid eyes on him.

"Hi, good thank you, hopefully..." His hand reached down instinctively, brushing Kendra's hair out of her face as he reached over, kissing her temple. He shifted his chair closer to her bed and gently gave her bouncing knee a squeeze before taking her hand in his, lacing their fingers.

"A little nervous if you can't tell." Austin smirked as he held her gaze, a shy smile taking over Kendra's lips as she let out a heavy breath.

"That's completely natural, most parents are a little nervous before their scans. Everything in your chart looks great, I'm sure bubs is happy and healthy in there." Dr Saunders reassured them, her eyes remaining on Kendra as she carefully rolled up her top before gently feeling over her belly.

He appreciated the way the doctor focused on Kendra, the patience and reassurance offered along with the warm, friendly smile.

He appreciated it so much he would let the fact she hadn't once acknowledged him go.

"Okay, let's check in on baby shall we?" Dr Saunders rolled her stool closer to Kendra, squirting a dollop of gel on the tiny bump that was beginning to form.

Kendra's grip on his hand got a little tighter, a sure sign her nerves were rising even higher. He leaned in again, his chin settling on her shoulder as he whispered reassurance to her ear and placed kisses on her cheek.

Within moments of the wand landing on her belly they heard the unmistakable sound of a heart beat coming through the machine. His heart stopped for a moment, everything on this planet fading away besides the sound of their creation.

Kendra pulled his hand up to her lips, laying soft kisses against his inked skin. He could feel the warm tears that had rolled down her cheeks pool in the crevice of his knuckles.

The bean that they saw last time now had some resemblance of a human. Human may be generous, maybe more an alien, but definitely more identifiable than the blob they saw last time. This creature had arms and legs and the sweetest button nose he had ever seen.

"Okay, here we can see baby's heart pumping away beautifully." Another heavy breath escaped Kendra beside him at the doctor's words. She turned quickly to face him, her face beaming at him as a fresh batch of tears of relief slid down her cheeks.

Dr Saunders continued rattling off body parts and measurements and all of the other information he should have been listening to but wasn't. He couldn't see anything beyond them, beyond her beaming face and lovestruck eyes staring at the screen.

At their baby.

He was hypnotised by it, the way this tiny creature could mimic movements, its tiny fists punching away at nothing before being folded behind its head as it lounged lazily before them.

They had made this. This tiny being that was living within her.

They had both begun to question if it was going to happen, she had come off her birth control months ago and although neither of them were willing to voice it, their read on each other was well enough that they knew their shared concern.

But here they were, sitting in Dr Saunder's office, watching their creation's movements, listening to its heartbeat. 

He felt her grip on him tighten, tugging him closer to her. His hands were on her too, as were his lips, kissing her skin as his eyes remained on the life they had made together.

"It's not a blob any more." She whispered to him, relief dripping off each word before they began giggling against each other like fucking school girls.

"We made a human Kenz, not some weird ass alien bean." His shit eating grin spread across his face, sensing the relief from her laugh.

"I love you." Her eyes were focused on him, her hands reaching up to cup his cheek and guide him down to her. He had to remind himself where they were, to stop himself from falling into her and losing control.

"Okay Mom and Dad, are we finding out what we're having?" Dr Saunders asked, again her sights remaining on Kendra, her eyes flicking to him for half a second before quickly looking away again. This was starting to piss him the fuck off.

"What do you think baby?" Her voice was honey in his ears, pulling him back to the blissful moment they were in. Fuck this doctor.

"It's up to you mama, you gonna be able to manage if we don't?" His words were said teasingly although they both knew the answer. She had already expressed her concern countless times about how impossible it was to try and decorate a room for someone they didn't yet know.

She sucked her lips in guiltily, slowly shaking her head in response as a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. Fuck she was gorgeous, the excitement and serenity and love in her eyes just making her more flawless than ever.

"Okay doc, what have we got?" His eyes remained locked with Kendra's. He knew she didn't care any more than he did what they were having, the only reason they were finding out was to make preparing for the arrival as easy as possible.

"Nothing. You have nothing Austin. You have nothing because you are nothing. You're nothing."

He flew forward, sitting bolt upright in his bed. The air around him was cool, the room still dark as his pupils tried to adjust.

Fuck he hated this room without her in it. Their bed, their house, it all seemed so empty and pointless without her warmth filling the cold air.

This wasn't home anymore, not without his girls.