𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐎𝐟 𝐘𝐨𝐮

𝐶𝒉𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑇𝑤𝑜 - 𝐻𝑜𝑝𝑒|𝐴𝑣𝑎

My head hurts. I can't open my eyes and my body feels a little paralyzed. I hear quiet breathing beside me. I try scrunching my eyes, willing them to adjust to the light. No. Nononono. Not this again. Please. I can't fucking do this again. Panic settles inside my veins. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. I sit up straight startling the person awake beside me. I can't breathe. My throat burns.

"Hey, hey calm down, it's okay I'm right here." My father holds me tight, trying to keep me still.

"No, no you don't understand dad, you don't understand! I can't do it!" I choke out.

"I know baby, I'm so sorry. It's gonna be okay. Calm down, it's going to be alright," he kisses the side of my forehead, rubbing circles on my arm.

My gasps slow down to steady breathing as I try to ignore the sense of dread that had managed to wrap itself around my insides in a matter of seconds.

I lift my arm upto my face, pressing the inside of my elbow to my eyes, desperately convincing myself not to break down as my voice gives in, barely a whisper, "you don't understand."

His voice breaks too, a subtle thing, like an autumn wind caressing your face, like tears in the rain. "I know," he looks at me, completely.

"This isn't supposed to happen," I say, still whispering, "I'm supposed to be dead!" He flinches at the word as he gets back up, looking hurt.

"A note. That's all you left me. You're my daughter." His eyes turn a darker shade, a little angry, "you were going to ask me to understand with a 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦."

I glance away, wiping my tears off with the back of my hand, "I don't have it in me," a deep breath, "to say I'm sorry dad. I can't- it's too much- i can't -" I clutch at my heart, and my sobs fill the room.

He holds me again, silent tears streaming down his face, "I'm so sorry monkey, I'm so so sorry, but please," he begs, " please don't 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 do that again."

~time skip~

The hair on my skin rises against the cold steel chairs in the airport. I'm staring off into the crowd, barely listening to the announcements and the commotion around me until dad jolts me.

"You okay?"

I nod.

"We have to board our flight in 15 minutes. Just letting you know."

"Okay." I nod again before the sound of thundering footsteps rings in my ears.

I snap my head to the direction of the sound, almost sagging in relief to see him before I left. 𝘉𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯. 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮. 𝘐𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦.

"I'm NEVER doing that again." He pants, palms on his knees

"I thought you weren't gonna come." My voice strains.

He tilts his head, looking up at me as his eyes go soft
"You 𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘵." he walks to me and hugs me to his chest. I squeeze him back. He lets go of me then and hits my arm, hard.

"Ow- "

He hits me again and again and again until he stops, pulling me into his arms and cries into my hair.

I hold him tight, shaking with the weight of my own unshed tears.
"I hate you. I hate you so much." He says but I catch it, the meaning behind. It hits me in my chest. The sharp pain of the word I love you. The sting the unsaid words, "I thought I'd never see you again. I thought I would have to open that stupid note you left me in your stupid room," bring. They threaten to rip up whatever is left of 𝘮𝘺 stupid, worthless heart.

This was hard. 𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴. So fucking tiring. Leaving Charlie here was so goddamn hard. Life was so much pain and I didn't want to feel it.

"Come with me." I say
"You don't have to stay here. You shouldn't have to stay here."

"You know I can't, Ave."

I know, but it doesn't make it any less hard to digest.

"It's okay," he adds,"Just one more year. I'll be alright."

I clutch him tighter because I don't believe him, "Something happens, you tell me. I don't care if it's 3 in the morning. You call me and you tell me when something is wrong and I will run to you. Always. No matter what."

"I know." He kisses my cheek, letting me go.

I turn around to look at my dad holding a tissue in his hands. I smile.
"Dad, are you crying?"

He sniffles, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Charlie smiles too.

Dad opens his arms to him, "Come here, kiddo."

They both hug for a long time, my father patting my brother's back. 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺 he seems to say.

Suddenly an announcement breaks through and they shift a little before moving apart.

"Goodbye, dipshit." I grin. Because I have to.

But Charlie doesn't say anything as he quietly hands me a large rectangular box.
"Thought you might not want to leave it here."

I choose not to open it because I can't.

"I'll come visit." He promises.

"You better."

"Have fun with the gang. Hazel knows you're coming by the way." It's all grins now.

I groan. Thinking of the disastrous stuff i will be getting into for the next year.

"Goodbye Ava. I love you."

"I love you." I can't bring myself to say goodbye. So I wave at him as I walk away. And I let myself hope for my cousin. Because I know the cost of everything he does. He knows it too. But he doesn't care. Why would he when he believes too much in people?

ʰᵉˡˡᵒ ʸᵒᵘ ᵍᵘʸˢ! ᵈᵃᵐⁿ ᵗʰⁱˢ ᶜʰᵃᵖᵗᵉʳ ᵗᵒᵒᵏ ᵐᵉ ˢᵒ ᵐᵘᶜʰ ᵗⁱᵐᵉ ᵗᵒ ʷʳⁱᵗᵉ. ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏ ʸᵒᵘ ᵗᵒ ᵃˡˡ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵉᵒᵖˡᵉ ʷʰᵒ ᶜᵃʳᵉ ᵗᵒ ʳᵉᵃᵈ ᵒʳ ᵛᵒᵗᵉ ᵒʳ ᶜᵒᵐᵐᵉⁿᵗ ᵒⁿ ᵐʸ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ. ⁱᵗ ᵐᵉᵃⁿˢ ᵃ ᵈᵃᵐⁿ ˡᵒᵗ.
ˢᵉᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ⁿᵉˣᵗ ᶜʰᵃᵖᵗᵉʳ!