The accident

15

Funeral... I never really liked funerals I mean who does.

But I didn't like this one at all knowing it belonged to my daughter.

Of course everyone was here some mourning the loss with cries while others just looked sad.

Of course me and Robbie were the ones who looked like a complete wreck, especially me.

I looked like a complete wreck. I didn't speak to anyone and just stood there with her plushie Cotton in my arms.

I haven't let it go. It has her scent and her memory. I've been holding onto it since the moment the doctors called her death.

I hugged it tight as I completely broke down next to her hospital bed.

I couldn't remember much since I was so out of it that they injected something into me.

But I was heartbroken more then I am right now.

In that moment the realization of her truly being gone was unbearable.

It felt like the world had ended. And my world did end. She was my everything the moment she entered my life.

I lost her twice but this time there wasn't a chance of her coming back to us.

We would no longer have a little girl running over to us wanting to be hugged. No longer a girl to happily tell us about her day and thoughts.

We would no longer be able to see her smile her face and her eyes.

She wasn't here anymore.

She's gone.

I didn't realize I was starting to lose my breath from crying until my family came over to me.

I felt them embrace me and I cried even harder then I already was.

I hugged the plushie harder and harder.

●

It's been a month without her. I still haven't let go of the plushie. I mean I have put it down but never let it go out my sight, nor did I ever let it get dirty.

Because what if it did and her smell would go away. I wouldn't be able to bear that.

It's the one the things I have left of her.

And when it comes to her room.

We've cleaned it a day ago. When I say clean I mean take all the medicine out.

Since it's a waste...

But we didn't touch anything else. We left the toys as they were.

The room was exactly like how she had left it minus all the medical items.

About how we've been coping...

I- I truly don't know. Robbie burried himself into his songs and stuff basically trying to take his mind off the loss of his daughter.

I took a break from acting so I'm currently not taking on any projects.

I haven't really left the house. The last time I did was for the funeral and that was all.

I haven't stepped a single foot outside. Not even the garden.

During the day I don't cry. Or at least try not to but at night.

When I look out the window and see all the stars shining I break down.

I go down to the living room to avoid Robbie waking up to my sobs and cry.

Let out every single emotion I held in during the day.

Cry and cry until I'm dried out of any liquid in my body.

●

I looked at the coffee mug in my hands as the therapist looked at me.

I could feel her eyes on me.

My family brought me here because I was having difficulty doing anything.

And when I say everything I mean everything. Basically everything I did with her which was alot since she was always with me.

I can't eat or I throw up.

I can't go on a walk because I start bawling before I even take a step out the house.

I'm basically on my bed all day.

It's been 5 months since she passed qnd after the first month I've been like this.

I guess it's because I can't emotionally react to it anymore. And my body just triggers itself.

I don't know what to say to the therapist.

I only spoke in my first session with her and the rest I just sit in silence while she tries to make me talk.

But today I tried.

She asked me how I felt about her death and I told her.

I told her that I couldn't function without her.

I feel sick to the stomach.

I can't even look up at the goddamn night sky and cry like before, before I faint or something.

I'm sick of it.

I miss her to the core that even my body reacts to not having her around anymore.

Every single cell in my body knows she's not here and it's crying in pain.

●

It's been a whole year without her. I was prescribed some medications in my sessions and they've helped to an extent.

And 6 months after her passing I threw myself back to acting basically becoming somewhat of an workaholic for awhile.

But after I physically and mentally got used to her absence (never really got used to it) I calmed down and...

It's painful but, as she told me before. I look up at the night sky when I miss her which is every single day.

And I look up at the star that shines the brightest.

I'd like to think that she's happy. Like she was with us because I don't believe that she had the happiest life but she was always the happiest when she was with us.

So, Grace... I hope your truly shining as bright as the sun.

It has been completed 😃

I don't feel like this is sad enough but it's decent.

Hope everyone enjoyed this short and uh dramatic fanfic.