𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋

𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐗

  Before... All I had ever wanted was to know what love felt like. Just an inch, a second, if only for a moment — still I would take it.
  Anything was better than nothing back then.
  I was tired of being empty, of being numb and feeling like I was always waiting, waiting for something to end.
  Maybe it was me I was waiting to end.

  But now... I will never die clean, untouched, I can never be without the stain of what I have lost. And the agony, of knowing, that I lost it. I should never have been so greedy to have loved you. I would never have let it happen if I knew it would end like this.
  I want to take it all back. I want to tear every last shred of you from my soul, but I fear you're too deeply ingrained.

  I tear myself apart to get you out, but you're still there, you're always there, and instead, in the end, I'm the only one that ends up falling apart. And you're still whole, with no shards of me in your heart to spurn. Because I was never there, not even for a second, whilst you took up every waking minute of mine. You're a splinter — if I manage to forget you for a moment, the pain of remembering you all over again is worse than the constant. Even now, when I hate you and everything you've done.

You're still here, you'll never leave. And the only thing I want is for you never to have existed at all.