𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭, charlie conway

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐗 | the world of "maybe"

CHARLIE ENTERED THE LOCKER room calm for once after an early-morning hockey practice. Despite being in year two of Eden Hall's rigorous hockey program, not yet having progressed to Varsity level, the extensive practice and repetitive drills hadn't gotten any easier. Amongst his teammates, Charlie was still known for freaking out every once in a while when he was just too frustrated to try again, and every time he came in the locker room, there was some sort of anger in him.

That's why his teammates were surprised about his recent behavior. While some of these teammates were more recent additions (and by recent, he means he's known them for three years), there were several that he'd known since elementary school — several that he had to try really hard to keep this Crystal secret from. But in a way, they all knew something was up, they just couldn't figure out what. And his lack of complaint after practice was the perfect catalyst to lead them to bring it up.

"Hm, it's suspiciously quiet in here today." One of Charlie's oldest friends, Lester Averman comments. He thinks he's being funny, but it's a positive statement — everyone else is realizing the same thing.

"You're not tired, Conway? Or hungry? Or mad at coach, or mad because a girl won't go out with you?" Russ Tyler, the other signature jokester jabs.
"God, do I really complain that much?" Charlie turns from where he stands at his cubby.
The group of guys all nod and he scoffs.

"Ok, well you're acting like it's a bad thing that I'm happy for once." He continues.
"It's not a bad thing... we just want to know why." Fulton Reed, one of Charlie's closer friends (and a voice of reason) tells him.
"Yeah, is it the mysterious girl you won't tell us anything about?" Of course Luis Mendoza, newly a womanizer, poses that question.

Since Charlie had been hanging out with Crystal for about a month now, there had been several situations where he had to take a raincheck on hanging out with the team in order to see her. He would just say "sorry, I have plans with my friend," but if they pried, "she" would be included in his next string of words and they'd go nuts.

Charlie wasn't known for doing great with girls. Sure, he had a lot of girls he liked, and girls he had "flings" with, but he wasn't serious enough to commit to a relationship. He never felt loyal toward anyone... anyone, that is, but Crystal. And in just a month, he had spent more time with her and thinking about her than he ever had with any other girl — highly suspicious, the team thinks, and they would be right. Even though she couldn't remember him, Charlie didn't have to fear that Crystal would leave him.

"I don't have to tell you anything about my personal life." Charlie shrugs, taking his pads off over his shoulders.
"So she definitely goes here, because you have no way of meeting anybody else." Averman says without realizing how harsh he sounds.
"Thank you so much, Les."
"But why won't you tell us who it is? You always tell us who it is." Luis asks.
"...Because it's different this time, and none of you would understand." Charlie takes his shirt off then. "Again, I don't know why you care so much."

Charlie was only keeping it a secret because people would get it wrong. They'd think he was a perv if they knew the truth about Crystal and her amnesia (and Chris already thought that, so that was the last thing he needed), or if he didn't mention all that, they'd still think there was something dirty going on. It wasn't their fault, that was normal at their age, and frankly normal for Charlie thus far in his life. But it didn't help him to feel any less conflicted about being with her.

"You hang out so much, you blow us off for her — I think we have a right to know." The (terrible) goalie, Goldberg, chimes in. "Is she ugly or something?"
"Well breaking news buddy, you have no right to know my personal business." Charlie had to grit his teeth to not respond to Goldberg's comment on ugliness — Crystal was gorgeous and any of them would think that, but he couldn't give into this idea that anything was going on. He felt guilty for not being strong enough to own up to it, but wasn't this the better option? The safer option?