Tales of an unloved demigod | Nico Di Angelo

The First Petal

Nico's POV:

I hadn't realized what was going on at first, I just knew I wasn't okay, but when was I ever? I was coughing up blood which may seem bad, but it wasn't the worst. I had originally thought it was linked to the jar or Tartarus seeing as I had just escaped or rather rescued.  It has only been a few days and I just assumed my lungs were readjusting to nontoxic air, but then I had a dream. Persephone was there, a cruel smirk accompanied her face, I didn't bother asking why she was there, I simply had stopped caring, it seemed as if while the gods seemed to hate me there was always a task that I needed to fulfill. 

"I've just had the most interesting chat with Eros" a wicked glint shined in her eyes and I knew that she knew. 

"Oh yeah, what about?" I tried acting aloof as if I was over it, as if Eros hadn't opened up an old wound, as if being forced out of the closet hadn't been the worst thing that I had ever faced, as if I would take another trip to Tartarus to have avoided Eros. 

"I heard you like a little sea prince." Her voice was taunting because she knew as well as I that he would never love me. She knew that he'd be disgusted.

"That's old news, I'm no longer twelve." I looked to the side avoiding her eyes, a huge mistake. She laughed.

"No, you're just fourteen, you can't tell me you're already over your crush. It makes so much since now. I had been wondering why you begged Hades to join in the Titan war, and why you had Percy bathe in the River Styx, you wanted him to be invincible. I thought it was rather strange as you had always claimed to hate him, saying he was the reason for your sister's death, even though we all knew she just didn't want to be around you anymore. Isn't it funny that you were in the Lotus Casino for decades but to you it only felt like a few weeks at most a month and she was already ready to abandon you for a group of strangers?" Persephone laughed again. My fist tightened, knuckles becoming even paler, if possible, and I blinked back the tears so as to not give her the satisfaction of getting to me. I rolled my shoulders and relaxed my hands, but I couldn't get them to stop fidgeting with my skull ring.

"You really are an unlovable demigod, I don't think there was a single soul who ever loved you except maybe your mother, but had she known you are gay she'd probably hate you more than I do." We both knew it was true. Homosexuals were taken to psych wards, prison. or killed during the 1930's. Italy had become strongly Catholic and thus condemned homosexuals to hell, or in my case the fields of punishment, my mother and Bianca had grown up with this thought process, I had grown up with this thought process. 

Loving or being attracted to the same gender is a sin. When Percy showed up in my life, my heart had beaten so fast, and I thought, no I hoped that it was only mere admiration, but I knew it was a crush. I was disgusted in myself, I knew it was wrong, I had known it was wrong for the longest. All of the boys at my school had crushes on Clara Calamai or Doris Duranti, but I liked Vittorio Gassman, he was so handsome I just couldn't understand how they didn't get it, but I knew not to say anything as the Pope had talked about the damnation of homosexuals plenty of times. I knew I was the one who just didn't get it, I knew I was the odd one out. I knew I was damned to hell, and I knew I could tell no one because my mom held a catholic cross and my sister knew her prayers. I knew that if they knew of my sin they would cast me out, I had already seen what Tommy's parents did to him and how my mom praised them for "getting rid of that pervert".

I knew I was unlovable. I just didn't know to what extent.

"How's your throat?" Persephone's sudden question knocked me out of my spiraling thoughts.

"My throat?" I questioned tilting my head to the side to amplify my confusion. My hand slid up to my throat, wondering if she knew about how I have been coughing up blood.

"Yes, did you like our gift?" Her eyes held mockery. 

"What did you do to me?" I wanted to shout, I wanted to take out my sword and hold it to her neck, I wanted to press my sword into her neck to make it bleed and ask her how it felt, but I wanted answers, so I stood in place like the good little soldier I was groomed to be.

"Eros and I thought of the most perfect punishment for you; Hanahaki disease, it's caused by unrequited love and causes the one who suffers from it to cough up flowers. Flowers will begin to grow in your lungs until you die of suffocation" She sounded so excited, and looked as if she wanted to be praised for her cleverness.

"Does Hades know of this?" I tried to maintain my composure, it was no news that I would die young, I was already involved in my second war, and even if I wasn't I may just die on the streets either because of hunger or the monsters that constantly hunted me.

"Do you really think he cares about you? How many sons has he had? We both know he wished it were you dead instead of your sister, your death would not even cause a decade of heartache, it may not even last a year." She taunted a laugh practically slipping from her lips. 

Suddenly I was awake again, back on the ship where everyone would ignore me and Jason looks at me with skeptical eyes. Jason acted as though him knowing my secret brought us closer together and maybe it did, but he also acted as though I were a freak they all did, even Hazel. They'd say things behind my back about how depressed and creepy I was. Hazel only seemed to stick around me because she was thankful I brought her back to life, like I had failed to do for Bianca. Then again Bianca never wanted to come back, she didn't want to be with me in life or death which is why she chose rebirth. I truly am unlovable aren't I?

With a self loathing sigh I got out of bed, ready to take a shower as though I could wash away everything that has ever happened to me, when I was hit by a massive coughing fit. I fell to the floor, blood spurting everywhere, and I felt as though I could not breathe, when finally a single petal dislodged itself from my throat. I picked it up with shaky hands, it was a blue carnation of course.