Oneshots and Other Things

Tell Me Again ~ Part 2

It definitely didn't take me 4 months to finish this... no writer's block in sight...

I don't know if I like it but at least it's got some sort of resolution XD

And thank you to @daphreak who gave me some ideas for this (you probably can't remember that happening because it was *ahem* 4 months ago but thank you anyway :) )

Now I can finally write something else!

(*~*)

The first time around, it had taken time to adjust because Dec hadn't known Stephen had anxiety. Looking back a few months later, when they stopped both making a mess of dealing with it, Dec had realised that Stephen didn't know that Stephen had anxiety.

It had started with small things, said at the end of a long day of work. It was one of Stephen's other shows, something that Dec never saw getting filmed. The younger man would get home, normally full of anecdotes and stupid stories but suddenly starting to withdraw. The once innocent question of 'how was your day?' became a minefield of insecurity.

Dec spent a long time beating himself up over how long it took him to notice the shift in Stephen's demeanour. He brushed off far too many indications of a dip in self-esteem, confident that he knew the younger man enough to know that he didn't lose conviction like that. Stephen was Stephen – loud and sure of himself on camera. Even if things were a little different behind the scenes, he had never been anything but assured about his work.

Because it started so small, Dec didn't join the dots until they were working together again. Yes, he'd noticed comments that seemed out of place, Stephen being quick to criticise himself or bring up criticism he'd got from a producer whilst saying he agreed with it. And yes, those moments made him pause, his mind flagging it as unusual before they were onto another topic and the fleeting confusion passed. These separate events didn't accumulate; one didn't heighten the significance of the next.

And then they were working together again. It was harder to ignore the change in behaviour when he was witnessing it first-hand. He'd never seen Stephen get nervous about a show but suddenly started to see his hands trembling. He'd never seen Stephen try to fade into the background in a meeting about his own show but suddenly the younger man was no longer jumping to fill in gaps in the conversation.

Dec wondered if he was losing creativity or motivation. Maybe he was bored of the same shows coming up in the calendar every year. Maybe he wanted some more freedom to break out of the mould he'd created for himself. There were plenty of explanations to bury the one they actually needed.

(*~*)

Even though they weren't meant to be on the show until the final, Dec wasn't too surprised when the BGMT producers asked them to appear for the last semi-final as well. He knew they boosted the ratings, uncomfortably wondering if that fact was a good one to inadvertently remind Stephen of at the moment. He didn't have long to ponder that line of thinking though, because they weren't given very much notice and no real guidance beyond 'act normal'.

It was what they'd been doing all week, with Stephen putting on a show in the way that he only knew how to, walking a tightrope between humour and cringe that only he seemed to navigate so smoothly, albeit with an almost ludicrous sense of faltering confidence. Dec didn't understand his head when he got like this, not because it was stupid to think what he was thinking, but because he wanted to force Stephen to sit down and watch himself, just to see that he was successfully doing something that most people couldn't. It wasn't a style that was going to appeal to everyone, which was maybe why he hadn't been put on the mainstream pedestal that Dec often found himself on, but it was a style that Dec knew he and Ant couldn't mimic.