"where were you?"
i looked up as i entered my family's marui, seeing my mum standing there with her arms cross. "what do you mean?" i had no clue what she meant. as if i did something this time, i wasn't even on the main island. it was my day off and i had spent most of the day out by my secret cove, swimming with my ilu rini. "you should know exactly what i mean. where were you when your sister was made fun of by those other boys?"
i had no idea that she was against those boys, hell i didn't even know who these boys were. "sa'nok, ma, please. i don't know what boys these are!" "you know, reyate and 'aevo and their friends." now i was really confused. "who? i don't even know those boys. there is no way that i could have done anything."
"still. you should have been there." i stood in front of her, dumbfounded. did she really expect me to be everywhere at once? "these are you kids, not mine. i don't know what you expect me to do but i can't control other kids. i'm not your children babysitter." i stormed out of the hut and went down to the shore, away from the village. i was angry, in a rage even.
how could she expect me to parent her children when all she does all day is sit in her marui or pick fruit. i was 22, old enough to move out, yet i haven't. all at the request of my mother. she wanted me to live with them, take care of my siblings and make sure they were okay. but i had duties to perform. i wasn't a kid anymore, i was an adult, a member of the clan. i had passed my rites of passage, i had my markings. i wasn't in school anymore.
i walked further down the beach, thinking all this over and resenting the unrelenting efforts of mother to keep me in her pod. i decided it was enough and i needed my own space. my own marui. the chiefs' hut wasn't too far away, so i turned and started walking back. i climbed up the mangrove root on the edge of the network of marui's and walked along the path towards tonowari's hut.
i found it easily, having been here before, and peeked inside hoping to see who i was looking for. luckily, both him and ronal, the tsahìk, were home. i cleared my throat to attempt to gain their attention, trying not to be rude at all. they both looked up and when tonowari noticed it was me he beckoned me in and had me sit next to them. "what brings you here, ayla?"
"i was hoping, maybe, if i could move into my own marui?" both leaders shared a look and then ronal turned to me. "is there a specific reason?" "well, my mother has kept me tied down in her pod for as long as she can. but i am tired of doing her job as a parent for my siblings. i have duties now, and i am a functioning member within the clan, which i work hard to achieve." i take a breath, and continue.
"i mean no disrespect tsahìk, and as a mother yourself i know you would not do this. but my parents all but forgot me when my siblings came into this world. i was 6, not nearly old enough to know to hold a spear. but i did. and i learnt how to fight with it myself. they looked down upon my coming as a warrior and my mother has taken it to her own hands to try to instil healer values in me. now i am 22, a fully fledged adult, and she is still trying. all is ask is for a piece of independence for myself. if there are available marui's, of course."
i look up from my place in their home, to see both tonowari and ronal looking at me with a mix of pity and shock, ronal having more horror than shock. it was tonowari that spoke up first this time. "ayla, we did not know. we are so sorry." then ronal. "child you should not have had to deal with that pain. of course you can move into your own. but you are always welcome in ours." i managed a pained smile. it was hard dredging up the past that i had forced myself to forget.
but i did it. i moved out. "thankyou both so much. it means a lot." they were like second parents to me. all three of us stood and they pulled me in for a hug. "did you want to move in now?" "please." i sounded desperate, i know, but this had been a long time coming. we walked through the network of huts and came to a stop in front of a bare marui. "this will be yours." tonowari looked down at me with a smile.
"thankyou." i immediately hugged him, then went to ronal and did the same. "thankyou. i'll get my things and move in now." they both chuckled at my eagerness. "of course. if you need anything, you know where to find us." they walked back to their marui, while i went back to my parents'. i was not looking forward to seeing either mother or father, or both, but it had to be done. and the sooner i collected my things the sooner i could move out.
i arrived at my parents' and took a deep breath to steel myself against the hate i would inevitably receive when mother found out i moved. now or never. i walked in, but instead of seeing one or both of my parents, there was no one. part of me was happy, i wouldn't have to defend my feelings. but deep down, there was a tiny part of me that wished they cared. that wished that they were here so i did have to explain myself. but of course i can't expect that from them.
i made quick work of collecting my things, and then walked back out to my own hut. it felt so empty, so lonely without anyone else in it, but i reminded myself that it was for the best. mother was only holding me down. i had a few things aside from my clothes and weapons. there was a rug that i made when i was younger. mother insisted i take a weaving class, and i wasn't bad at it, i just didn't like weaving. the mat was the product of it.
the rug did make the hut more like home, but it was still a rather large marui. big enough to fit another 5 people in probably. but it was getting later in the day, almost evening now. i went down the gathering that is usually held at this time. the final feast was a clan-wide dinner that most people came together for then parted to sleep. i slipped in unnoticed and grabbed a cooked fish from the pile. everyone was talking, enjoying their meal. but i was sitting alone, watching everyone else eat.
again, part of me wished my family found me, that they asked me where i had been, why i wasn't living with them anymore. part of me wished they cared. but they didn't. they didn't find me or come up to me. i didn't even know where they were. the feast ended soon after when people started to dissipate and walk back to their marui's. i finished up and followed them. time for my first night living alone.
