both me and jake sat together, holding hands with his head on my shoulder, for a while before parting. all the kids had come back from wherever they were. the sky was getting darker as it got later, and i really didn't feel like hunting tonight. "could we go to the gathering tonight? i feel a bit drained to hunt." i asked jake softly. he gave a small nod and, "of course. whatever you feel like." then gathered the kids back up so we could traipse down to the communal bonfire they had going.
when we got down there, everyone grabbed a serving and dispersed into little groups. jake sat with tuk and kiri, lo'ak and neteyam found ao'nung and i found tsireya. we both sat on a log together and dug into our food. after my stomach had been satiated i placed my hand on her shoulder. "i need your help." her ears immediately twitched to attention and curiosity sparked in her eyes. "what is it?" i took a big breath before spitting out my dark secret. "ihavefeelingsforjake." the words tumbled out of my mouth as one, and tsireya looked just as confused.
"um, again please, but slower." i looked sheepish and tried again. "i have feelings for jake." this time i almost whispered it in her ear, afraid that anyone would hear. and though they may not hear my confession, they most definitely heard tsireya's response, a high pitched squeal, to it. i freaked when she made such a loud noise and put my hand on her mouth. "shh. i can't let anyone find out." she took my hand away from her face and looked confused. "why?"
i looked down. "they would frown upon me being with an older na'vi. and an omaticaya one at that." tsireya let out a small "oh." i have a sad smile at her realisation and continued eating small bites of fish. "what if you only told him? like no one found out until you two were mated. better to ask forgiveness than permission. lo'ak taught me that." she grinned at the last bit, proud of herself for remembering his important words. i looked up at her with an excited grin. "i might just take that advice."
after tsireya's insight into my dilemma, the village dinner came to an end and everyone started leaving to go home. i left tsireya to join the sully's. we all walked home, the kids talking amongst themselves and me next to jake with tuk holding my hand. we made it back to the marui and started getting our mats out to sleep. it was the same arrangement as the night before. me next to jake, then the kids all laid next to us. everyone got settled in and talked for a bit before we all ended up falling asleep.
——
the sun rose the next morning and i woke up, on time as always. i slipped out of the marui and walked down the beach to go for a swim. i needed some time to myself to think about how to tell jake what i felt. it was daunting to know that it was sent just him i was committing to, it was the four children he had as well. and as much as i loved those kids like my own, it was still scary. tuk would call me mum, lo'ak already does call me mum. i had dived into the ocean while this all ran through my mind, just mindlessly swimming.
the cool water glided over my skin, it ran shivers down my spine at the feeling. i didn't know where us was going, i just needed to swim. then i though if my secret cove that was just outside the reef. i could swim to the edge and call an ilu to get me there safely. it had a little rock there big enough for me to sit on, and the rest was water. i started heading in that direction, watching all the little creatures on my way past. it was beautiful down here, under the surface, like a little paradise.
i started thinking about what could happen if i told jake. he could tell me he liked me back, he could could tell me that he didn't feel the same, he could even ignore me completely and move out. part of me definitely hoped he didn't do those last two. i hadn't mated yet and my parents had both pushed for me to find one and settle down when we still had contact. it wasn't something i was interested then, and it wasn't something i was looking for now. but the way my heart beat a little faster everytime i saw jake, or the way i felt warm inside everytime he used his gravelly dad voice couldn't be ignored.
it was a completely foreign concept to me, it felt like i had hì'ang, insects, buzzing in my stomach. i had never loved someone like ronal and tonowari did, let alone enough to choose them as a mate. i arrived at the cove after calling rini and making the short journey from the reef. it was big enough for rini to swim in and i slid off her back once we were there. i made my way towards the rock to sit on and climbed atop it.
i took off the small pouch that was attached to the side of my loincloth and pulled out the contents. there was some string that i made, shells of different sizes and beads that i had either found in the ocean or crafted from different things. originally i was just going to make a bracelet for jake, but now i looked at what i had, i thought i could make four more for the kids. a gift from me to them, to celebrate them fitting in well.
i began working on the first piece, for jake, using my dagger to cut the string. i threaded bead after bead, some shells thrown in there too. i finished after what seemed like hours of work but was probably minutes in reality. the kids' were easier; tuk had bright colours and small shells, kiri had some iridescent colours and some other trinkets i managed to poke a whole in, lo'ak had some darker beads and bits of coral i had collected, and neteyam had some wooden beads, sea glass and a shell in his.
after i threaded all the pieces and tied them off, i collected everything and tucked it back in my pouch and attached it to the waistband of my loincloth. i figured it had been hours now so i called rini and guided her home. there were a few villagers out doing their duties, some i greeted when i walked past, others too focused. as i got closer to my home, a feeling started to form in my gut, and it wasn't good.
i was cautious in my approach and i was right to be. standing in front of my marui was my mother, father standing behind her. she looked angry, as if she had any right to be. i quickly glanced inside and saw all the sully's, jake included, and felt a little safer. i knew as soon as she laid eyes on me, she would find any and all excuses as to why whatever she was dealing with was my fault.
so instead of being a coward and upset, i straightened my posture and walked forward. i stopped in front of the entrance and made sure that jake could see me, even made eye contact to ensure it. "hello mother. what are you doing here?" she screwed up her face a bit at my unwavering words. "i think i should be asking, what are you doing here? you abandoned us! you left without a trace and i find you here with these.. these freaks! it is disappointing to say the least, tayala. i expected much better of you." her disapproving expression bore down on me as the rage from her words bubbles in my stomach.
she can threaten and insult me but she cannot insult jake. and his kids. "watch your mouth." i spat out. "they are na'vi, just like us and they do not deserve your disrespectful attitude. if you have nothing else to do here but insult both me and them, then i'm going to ask you to leave." my words hardened, especially towards the end. i had had enough her bullshit. "well, i've come to get you. so pack your things, you're moving out of here. you can't live here with... them."
again with her insults. i saw all the kids and jake watching from inside the hut, and little tuk was holding tight to jake. "is she moving out dad?" her wobbly voice almost had me crying. i turned back to my mother. "i'm not leaving. i'm not going back to you and your life. in fact, you aren't even family anymore. they are my family." i motioned to jake and the kids. jake stood and walked out to me. "if you insult her; you insult me." he spoke as he wrapped his hand around my waist. "now leave." i finished the argument. jake stared down at both my parents. they took one look at him and walked off.
i turned into his bigger frame and finally dropped my façade. tears dripped down my cheeks as jake hugged me close. one hand rubbed my back soothingly while the other still held my waist. we stood together for ages, until the kids came out and joined in. everyone stood together and hugged, me and jake in the centre of it. once we broke apart we all went inside. i was still attached to jake at the hip, the ordeal had shaken me. my idea of a peaceful morning had just gone out the window after that confrontation.
