Untamed

77

Renee stood over the gravestone long after everyone had gone, off to their own lives while some had drastically ended. Tracing the headstone with a finger Renee played all the fond memories she had in her head, rewinding them over and over just to feel some sense of peace.

Hard droplets of rain fell from the sky pelting her, mixing with the tears escaping her eyes. 'What a day for the sky to cry' she thought, Renee imagined herself in her condo, sitting by the window with a book in hand, a forlorn look on her face as she watched the rain create an unreadable map on her window, what a day for the rain to create one on her with the forlorn look replaced by one of pure despair.

Why'd this have to happen? Every single plan had been drawn up with this not even being close to the worst outcome. Biting hard on her wobbly lower lip to halt the guttural cry bubbling up from the deepest part of her core, Renee fell to her knees wrapping her arms around herself to stop her body from shaking, not from the cold but the pain injecting its poison in her veins.

"We have to go Renee, you'll get sick." Danica pulled at the younger woman who didn't budge.

"I can't." Renee shrugged off Danica's hands. "I need to be here, I have to be here."

"The rain isn't going to be merciful to you, you're soaked to the bone as it is."

"I don't care." Renee yelled, slapping the ground. "Dig a grave beside this one and put me in it, let me waste away just like-" a sob caught in her throat, tumbling out of her lips in a broken cry.

"There's nothing you could have done, no one imagined that it'd end like this. I never imagined Maxwell was that cruel a man to kill anyone in his path including his own daughter. We're all grieving, I cannot be the only person being strong for us. At some point, I have to mourn what I have lost."

"I told them it was the perfect plan to lure him out, I convinced Heather to push for answers; answers she'd never have had interests in if I didn't open my big mouth. Maxwell was never a great person but how could he?" Renee rested her head on the ground, sobbing for the body lying six feet under. "It hurts so much, how can it hurt so much?"

"You're human." Danica gave her a watery smile. "Heather is not going to forget what you've done for her neither will Gibb, no plan ever goes as good as the well scripted one in your head. There was no way you'd have known the monster Max was, I can't believe I once loved that man. Thankfully he gave me the best gift I didn't even dream of, a gift he tried to take away."

"I haven't even atoned for all the sins I've committed, how do I fix this?"

"This wasn't your fault, he knew what he was getting into when he decided to key into your plan. Heather also knew she was going up against her father, my fighter knew he'd always play dirty only this time it involved a bullet in her chest."

"How can I make this better?" Renee squeezed her eyes shut, giving in to the voices in her head.

Danica knelt beside Renee, holding an umbrella over them both. If there was one thing she learnt early, it was that no one could ever raise anybody from the dead, on the contrary, it was quite easy to join them. Renee looked like she was a halfway into a grave herself.

°°°

The mansion lacked its usual luster, painted instead in dark colors mirroring it's occupants moods. Melissa wiped her hand on the rag draped over her shoulder, the whistle from the kettle jolted her from her thoughts, thoughts she'd found herself to be lost in these days.

Renee walked into the kitchen dragging her feet, eyes puffy and red; the rest of her didn't look so good. "Hey Melissa. Is there coffee?"

"What you need is sleep, coffee won't help the nightmares." Renee's screams weren't the only one resonating through the halls every night.