Blood and Water | Neteyam

Will This Be How I Feel Forever? ∼ 35

Everything was moving in slow motion. The animals swimming beneath the pathway, the wind blowing at the leaves. Even the rain seemed to fall in a sluggish track as if the raindrops purposely tried to drag out every single second, purely to torment Neteyam.

He had barely been able to sit still as he had listened to the warriors discuss tactics by the bonfire. He and Lo'ak had followed his dad and the Olo'eyktan immediately after the large group of Na'vi had dispersed, and to Neteyam's relief, they had headed straight to the bonfire to talk strategy.

He had been asked to recount the story, which he had done dutifully, glad that there was something for him to do. His dad – who obviously was the most experienced at fighting against the sky people – had been very vocal about what he meant was the right thing to do. Neteyam, not needed anymore after having described what had happened in excruciating detail, had stayed, desperately listening to their plans of attack.

There had been a lot of yelling and threatening, especially from some of the younger Metkayina warriors who seemed to have many strong opinions on how the war party should be led, but Jake kept insisting that the sky people had different means of fighting, that the Metkayina way wouldn't last long against the kinds of weapons that the humans possessed. It was a tiring discussion, one that Neteyam bitterly had thought wasn't going anywhere, and barely got them any closer to an actual plan at saving her.

A concerned looking Na'vi had appeared by Tonowari's side, leaning in to whisper something into the Olo'eyktan's ear and Tonowari's face had hardened. Bellowing for the war party to be quiet, he had taken his mate's hand and made a beeline for Jake, asking him to come with them. Neytiri had joined them as well, and Neteyam and Lo'ak had stood, watching them walk away, both feeling lost and incredibly helpless.

There wasn't much to do other than wait for his dad to return and Neteyam was going out of his mind with worry as he sat by the edge of the pathway, legs dangling, feet almost touching the water's surface. The ocean was opaque and dark due to the constant rain obstructing the surface, and Neteyam bitterly compared the ocean's turmoil to the one in his own heart. He was sure that he must be freezing, the icy water droplets hitting his body like bullets sliding down his body and soaking his hair, but he could barely feel it as he stared in front of him, not really seeing anything, enveloped in a thick numbness that choked him, painfully trapping him in his mind.

Her eyes flashed across his vision yet again. In truth they had never left, replaying over and over again, every emotion he had ever witnessed in them, from happiness to anger, from love to sadness, and then freezing on dread; the last thing he had witnessed in those eyes. But not fear for herself. Fear for Neteyam and for his family as she pleaded for him to let go and save them. Had it been anyone else, he'd done it in a heartbeat. His family came first, always. But she was the one person that he couldn't – that he wouldn't - choose his family over. The one person that could get him to do anything she wished for, had asked the one thing of him he would not grant her, purely out of selfish reasons. And he loathed himself for it.

He constantly toyed with the idea of getting up and leaving, to rescue her on his own so that he wouldn't have to wait until sunrise tomorrow, and so the casualties would be few. Though Neteyam would gladly die for her if it meant that she would be safe, Neteyam also knew that Lo'ak was right; she would never forgive him nor herself if anything was to happen to him. This thought was the only thing that held him back from calling upon an ilu and setting off to find her.

Her not being able to forgive him he could live with; it would mean a life of misery, but he would find a way to deal. Her not being able to forgive herself was a different matter.

The weight in the woven pathway shifted beside him and Neteyam was pulled out of his daze, blinking furiously as he switched to stare out at the horizon. Neteyam didn't even have to glance to the side to know who had placed themselves beside him; it was Lo'ak, having emerged from the Marui.