Parsley in Wonderland

Chapter 1-Down the Rabbit Hole

"GAAAAAH!! F*CKING SH*T!!! WHY! WON'T! YOU! F*CKING! WORK!!!!" Parsley screamed, smashing the keyboard with his fist over and over in a fit of rage. "Parsley!" His father scolded, "If you're gonna yell and scream at that laptop of yours, do it OUTSIDE. Got it, young man?" Sighing, Parsley stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind himself. "Stupid f*cking laptop," He grumbled, "It's not my fault the wifi's been acting like sh*t." Suddenly, something leaped out of a nearby bush, running away with a pocket watch in his hand. It seemed to be Tony the Clock, the only differences were that he had rabbit ears, a monocle, and a fancy coat that was a quaint shade of cobalt blue. "Oh, bloody hell!" Tony yelled, "I'm late, so very late! Oh, the princess would be FUMING right now, I just know it!" Impulsively, Parsley dropped his laptop on the ground and ran after the clock man, not even taking the chance to look back. "Wait!" The young man shouted, "Come back! Where are you going?"

After what seemed to be hours, the chase finally came to a halt when Tony leaped down a hole in an attempt to escape. "Jesus Christ." Parsley said, looking down the bottomless pit, "How deep is this thing?" He crawled into the opening, getting some dirt on his suit and hands as he went in deeper and deeper before suddenly falling into the abyss. Oh lord, may Parsley survive this fall.

A few minutes of falling later, Parsley fell into a pile of hay, getting some of it in his hair. "Oh god..." He groaned while cracking his back. He looked around for a bit, looking for any sign of an exit before noticing it..."Tony!" He exclaimed as he immediately came running after him; Though that came to a stop when poor, poor Parsley stopped to catch his breath for a spilt second, and guess what? Tony was gone! Nowhere to be seen! The young man noticed a door at the very end of the hall. It was green with a white border, and it was small, but not too small to the point of being impossible to enter through. "Well, at least there's someway that I can get out of here." Parsley said, opening it and crawling inside (with some struggle, of course.). The next room looked like something a baby would make in the Sims 1, with the walls having rainbow wallpaper, and the floor was covered in black and white squares like a checkerboard, and there was a tiny curtain nearby.

"What the hell?" Parsley said. Out of curiosity, he opened the curtains, only to be met with an extremely tiny door that was sky blue. "Hello!" "Aah! Jesus!!" Parsley yelled, "D-Did you just talk?!" "Of course I did!" The doorknob exclaimed, "My name's Charlotte! What's yours?" "Parsley..." He replyed, 'God, why did you have to be named Charlotte?' "Parsley, that's a pretty name! Is it French? Swedish? Spanish?" "NO! It's not French. It's an herb, Charlotte, an HERB!!!" "An herb?" Charlotte asked, "Never heard of a language like that, I hope there's classes for it!" Tempted to scream, Parsley let out only a sigh. "Look, just tell me how to get out of here. I don't wanna spend all day in whatever the f*ck this place is."

"Oh, it's simple!" She said, "Just go over to that table over there!" Parsley turned around, "What table?" "The table right in front of you, silly!" Suddenly, a glass table appeared out of thin air with a bottle placed on top. "How-How did you even do that?" "Magic! Teehee!" The young man walked up to the table and picked up the bottle, its tag reading:

[DRINK ME]

"Well, at least it ain't poison!" Parsley exclaimed, opening the bottle and gulping down the contents. Suddenly, Parsley's surroundings rapidly got bigger and bigger with every second. "Oh my god..." He exclaimed, "What just happened to me?" "You shrank, silly!" Said Charlotte. "Really? Great, I guess. Now, get me out of this place!" "Oh, I just forgot, I'm locked!" "WHAT?!" He shrieked, "Yeah, unfortunately. Why not use that key up there?" "What key-" Suddenly, a key appeared out of thin air, landing on the now giant table. "Motherf*cker." Parsley then attempted to climb the leg of the table, failing everytime. Out of defeat, the young man sat down on the floor, his face sporting a big ol frown. "Oh man..." He sighed, "What am I gonna do now?" "Why not try these?" Charlotte asked, making a box of what seemed to be cookies out of thin air. They were sugar cookies that had the text: "Eat Me" written in frosting, with blue and green frosting behind. "Are you sure these will work?" "I'm sure!" Parsley sighed, "Alright, if you say so..."