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.・゜゜・☼・゜゜・．
The death of Baghra had reached her ears as she holed up in her room. It was so sudden, her death. She had finally found a connection to her home and it was taken from her way too suddenly.
There was a knock on the door while she sat in the window seat. She did not answer but heard the door open anyway. The blonde woman finally turned to look who had entered to find Nikolai.
"How are you?" He asked as he sat in front of her.
"I don't know, it feels weird, I only knew her for a day or two, but I still feel like I lost someone important to me" she said, it had been the most she had spoken to him in the last two days because she had realized, after Dominik had confused her for Alina, that as long as the Prince was engaged there couldn't be anything between them. Absolutely nothing.
"People are asking for you, they want you at the meeting" he said to her with soft eyes.
"Is that why you are here? To get me to the meeting"
"Of course not, I'm here to see you, I always want to see you" he took her hand in his, she stared at their joined hands for a moment before she stood up away from him. He seemed pained for a second before he put back the smile on his face.
"I'll see you there in a minute, then" Deyanira announced wanting him to leave. But she wanted him to stay, she wanted him to hold her hand once again, she wanted to fill the butterflies in her stomach whenever he touched her.
But she couldn't.
She had to let him go, it was for the best.
.・゜゜・☼・゜゜・．
They were all in the meeting, Deyanira was not listening to anything they were saying. She was zoned out thinking about Baghra and the last words she spoke to her.
However she was interrupted when someone called her name.
"Deyanira?" It was Nikolai who called her name, she looked up and found that everyone was staring at her.
"Sorry, go on"
"As I was saying-" Nikolai was interrupted by Alina who seemed fed up with everything.
"I'm sorry-" she said interrupting Nikolai who only nodded with a sigh. "-but am i the only one thinking about it?" She asked looking around and Deyanira was suddenly very confused. "Am I the only one thinking that this should be over by now, I meant, a sun summoner-" the half shu girl turned to her and the blonde girl finally understood what she was trying to say. "-has been hiding in the shadows while the entire world was suffering, do you realize what you did, Malsagov? This war could have ended hundreds of years ago, but you were what? Living your life while thousands died because of the fold? I didn't realize you were that selfish"
Deyanira snapped her head at Alina at her last words, she immediately straightened and her eyes hardened, behind her golden irises the story of her life repeated.
"Selfish?" She asked her voice rough. "I'm sorry for saying this Alina, but I have lost way more than you. I lost my entire family and my kingdom to that damn shadow, you don't think I was scared? That every night I don't have nightmares where i see my people being swallowed by darkness, and yes I'm sorry i didn't step up but I was only a terrified kid who didn't know any better, you have friends and people who support you, I didn't have anybody, so don't come to me and say that I'm the selfish one"
As she finished she noticed the silence that invaded, and she looked around to find the shocked faces of everyone. She huffed and left the room before anyone could utter a word.
How dare Alina call her selfish? They were supposed to be working together not till I get against each other, after her and Alina were in the same position.
She reached her room and searched under her pillow for Nikolai's compass. She sat on the floor and watch as it pointed somewhere between east and south.
How she longed for home, she couldn't believe that she barely remembers the place but she still gets homesick. But she promised she would kill the man that took her future, she can't leave.
Or maybe she could just forget everything to do with this part of the world and go back to the sea. She had the compass now she could find Gaeliar.
But what about Nikolai?
No. Nikolai was just a moment in her eternal life, a moment she would keep close to her heart for years to come, he would eventually die and she would remember him.
A drop of water landed on her compass and she frowned. She touched her face and felt the tear track down her cheek. What? She was crying? The idea of Nikolai dying made her cry?
She roughly cleaned her face with the back of her hand mad at her previous action. She had to think, there was no time to cry.
The blonde woman looked down at the compass once more and looked at the door after with an indescifrable look on her face. Before she could think about it she had a bag ready, her coat on and her hat in hand.
And she walked away because she was a coward, she liked to pretend she wasn't but she was still that frightened and clueless toddler.
She wondered if Nikolai would realize she was gone, and if he did she hoped it was him to find the letter she left. It explain why she left or more like excused why.
And as she has learned all this years, Deyanira did the only thing she did well, she ran.
.・゜゜・☼・゜゜・． She speaks! I'm SO SORRY I had a ton of exams, I still failed tho 😔🤘 Anyways, I have big things planned for next chapters, at first I didn't know what I wanted to do with this part because if I did make Nira stay it was going to be very boring and I didn't want that, so she's going on a little adventure before everything goes loose. 🤞🤞
