|♥︎|JENNA ORTEGA IMAGINES|♥︎|

If Only

 Jenna's POV 

I was just about to leave the set when a letter suddenly slipped under my dressing room door. I was a little nervous to read it, but I always knew this would be it. This would either be Y/n saying yes to my proposal finally or her telling me she doesn't want to marry me. Well, there's no time like now so I opened the letter and started reading. It was a very long letter, I must say.

_______________________________________

Jenna,

I don't know where to start but this is what I can say. There're a million thoughts in head I don't know, should I let my heart keep listening?  When we first started dating, I loved every part of it cause up til now, I've walked the line, nothing lost but something missing. I always thought the missing piece was you and for a while I convinced myself you were, but I've come to realize you have only been half the missing piece. I can't decide what's wrong, what's right. I honestly haven't figured out which way should I go yet and because of that I don't know if I can say yes right now. If only I knew what my heart was telling me then maybe I could without hesitation. I don't know what I'm feeling, why I can't say yes or no. I used to wake up every morning asking myself when I would see your face, is this just a dream? I couldn't help but think, if only I could read the signs in front of me then maybe this wouldn't be so complicated. I keep hoping that I could find the way to who I'm meant to be, that's the final missing piece of me and I don't know how I'm going to put the puzzle together. If only I wasn't so a coward to go after what I want. If only I could just get up instead of just waiting for it to happen. If only I was brave enough. Every step I take feels wrong, I feel like if I say yes then I'll only mess this up. Every word I write feels wrong because I feel like I keep saying the wrong things, the things you don't want to hear. When I first met you the first thought I had when we started working together was 'with every hour I am falling in love with this woman. I'm not ready to start something new, I can't do something so brave. I don't know how to be someone I have never been'. I can't help but think am I crazy for doing this Jenna? I keep thinking maybe we could still happen if I say I what I need. I need some time to think and just find myself. I'm hoping you'll give it me, that you'll still be here when I get back. I'm wondering, will you still be with me? Especially when the magic's all run out. If only it didn't have to come to this, if only I knew back then what I'm feeling is a little lost. If only I knew I had to go find who I'm meant to be, if only we could still be together but the time I've figured it all out. And if only I wasn't so sacred to lose you, I would have told you sooner that I didn't have a clue who I am. When you'd say you love me, I didn't even know who I was. It was the only reason I found it difficult at first to say it back. 

I do love you Jenna, more than anyone actually, I wish I could give you an answer right now, but I can't. I'll be expecting a text from you. By the time you've read this, I'm already on a plane heading south. I need to know if you'll stay, if you'll wait, if I'm worth it. I'll know the answer if I don't receive a text. I'm so sorry it had to be this way; you were the better half of us. I wish I didn't have to leave like this, but I got no choice. If only I knew what to say to make this better, but unfortunately, that isn't my strongest asset. I love you; I wish you the best and I hope to any god listening that I will be back before you know it. I hate to hurt you like this but for now, it's the only way. Goodbye my love.