Evergreen [h.s]

Chapter 5 - Emerald Green

TW - Blood

Apricity Adams
May 12, 2023

Four hours. That's the amount of sleep I've gotten since Wednesday... and it's Friday now.

I couldn't sleep a single fucking second the night Harry was over for dinner. He completely pulled the rug out from under me by showing up at my doorstep with that bottle of red wine.

I've been replaying every word that was spoken between us in my head and I just can't fucking stop.

I'm left with so many goddamn questions I wish I could take my brain out of my head and fucking charge the damn thing so it runs right.

Why did he feel the need to come over? Why did he gift me such an expensive wine? Why did he offer to help with my furniture? Why did he do the dishes? Why is he so gorgeous? Why was he such a dick to me at the store? Why did he seem to enjoy himself in my presence? And most importantly, why did I enjoy myself in his?

I haven't been in the dating scene in over four years. No talking stages, no sex, nothing. I've begun to think that it's just not written in my cards for this life.

The one relationship I have had, began and ended in the same way. It merely never existed. I was in love with the version of a person I'd created in my head, and he is to blame for that.

I still haven't gotten my furniture inside yet, and Harry hasn't shown up out of the blue again. I thought I would feel relaxed and less anxious as the days go by without a trace of him, but I'm finding that I'm spending most of my time worrying that I'd said or done something wrong. Which is completely stupid when I know I've ruined any chance of his slight liking towards me to remain present.

When he touched me, flashes of my past came soaring through my mind like a slideshow from hell, and I couldn't stop from reacting.

I'm so used to being wanted for one particular reason, meaning that any small touch from a man was to insinuate sex. I hate myself for acting as if his touch was anything other than gentle and innocent.

It's nearing four o'clock, and I'm finishing up the last of my paperwork my boss needs done by Monday.

I've only had a couple of jobs over the past however many years. I babysat for some family friends for a couple summers in high school, and worked for my dad while at university.

My parents always told me that I didn't need a job whenever I'd ask to get one, simply because they provided for me well enough and wanted me to 'enjoy being a kid.' Pretty shitty ideology if you ask me, but it all comes down to control.

I ran into the city yesterday to get a few more plants and smaller pieces of décor to fit the bare spaces of my home.

I made a spur of the moment decision and picked up two of a particular plant I scouted for, figuring it'd be nice to return the favor of the expensive wine to Harry.

Although now thinking about it, I'll probably never see him again or gather up enough courage and confidence to give it to him.

Every once in a while, I find myself peeking out my front windows to see if he's outside like a little school girl who just discovered what the opposite sex is. I mentally curse myself each time, but I just can't help it.

He gives me such a strange feeling, one that scares the shit out of me.

After some more lounging around on my living room floor and pitying of my thoughts, I decide that the furniture isn't going to magically appear out of nowhere.

I've never needed help before, so I don't know why I'm acting like I do now.

I head out the front door and unlock the back of the U-Haul, seeing two decent sized couches, as well as a coffee table and a larger chair. I'll have to figure out what will even fit in my rather small living area once I get it all inside.