DIAGNOSIS: In LOVE

38

"Gerald, anak?"

Nilingon ko si Mommy saka ngumiti.

"May problema ba? Napansin ko, simula nang bumalik ka sa trabaho a week ago, madalas kitang nakikitang tulala at may iniisip."

"No, Mom. Siguro naninibago lang. Its been three months, pakiramdam ko, bago lahat."

"Anak kita, you know you can tell me everything."

I put my hands in my pocket saka naglakad papunta sa garden at umupo sa isang outdoor bench. I glanced at my Mom na naupo rin sa tabi ko.

"I just don't understand why she's avoiding me."

"Maybe she doesn't love you enough to stay by your side."

"I tried hard not to think about her, Ma. Pero wala e. Siya pa rin. Kahit na nagtatampo ako sa kanya. Kahit na pinaparamdam niya na balewala ako sa kanya, I still love her, Ma. Maybe, its my fault na nagexpect ako na she will took care of me or to make an effort to be with me when I needed her the most. Hindi ko lang maintindihan, I thought she loves me too."

"Well, siguro hindi nakayanan ng konsensya niya. Maybe, naisip niya na its not really right to cage you on the situation na hindi mo naman deserve. Although, it would be a blessing and a joy to have a grandson or a grand daughter, but still its a different thing na sa'yo talaga."

I looked at my Mom's serious face after she said those things. I can't believe we're talking about two different woman. Is she serious? I mean, how can she think that I am talking about Bianca right now.

Instead of correcting her, I just laughed at her.

"And now you're laughing. I think, you need to stop working and extend your recovery. Mukhang hindi pa fully-healed yang ulo mo. I don't know to you. Kanina lang, you're just being sad and serious and then now, you can't just stop laughing."

"Are you sure we are on the same page, Ma?"

I can't help but laugh at my Mom's reaction more.

"What are you talking about? Its Bianca you're telling me about right? The pregnancy lie, the wedding— and all!"

"Of course not! Not Bianca. I told you, I don't love her so why would I expect her to be right here by my side?"

"Ano? Kung hindi si Bianca, sino?"

"The one that I really love, Ma. The one I want to be with. Si Sarah."

I saw my Mom's eyes grew wide. As if she knows who I'm talking about. She suddenly holds my hand before asking me the question na mas lalong nagpagulo sa akin.

"Sarah? You mean— Dr. Sarah Laurel? Siya ba anak?"

I nod at my Mom's question. Confused but I managed to asked her a question.

"How did you know her?"

"I think you need to know something."