Ah, fuck this idea that skin
Needs labels by colours
Because sometimes it gets hard
To keep up with the changing view
Of how someone like me could possibly be
Too white to belong with those I should,
But too hispanic to not be constantly under inspection,
As if I should be used to it.
Because I've clearly experienced that.
I hate this feeling that I have to live up
To this expectation of either flawlessly
Language switching, accent in place and writing perfect,
Or flawlessly hating those who can do that.
I hate this feeling of expectation that
I've either had the best or worst,
Because the life of an immigrant's daughter who's "white"
Is bound to be blessed.
I hate this feeling of being out of place no matter where I turn
Because I'm caught between the "Are you poor?"s and the
"Don't bother speaking Spanish to her, she won't understand."s.
I hate this feeling of not belonging.
I hate this feeling, but what can I do?
Do I have to get a tattoo screaming,
"I know your privilege or pain!"
Just to feel like I won't be hit with that look, the look that
I'm an outsider, because that look reminds me that
I'm an outsider not only because of my skin
But because I'm torn beneath it?
